`
ripped-off lessons
from spindles of time
marge, assailing
upfront eyes -
mine & yours,
as gestures
of forgiven memories,
swerving into innocence
and survival against -
chaos: 'the tempo of mistakes'.
`
A contest entry
- Short pieces - Prewrites Allowed. Bring the good stuff! by Amunet Wolfbane.
1000 points, ended April 1, 2008, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
This contest is really going to be a hard one to judge. You've got another excellent piece here. I personally would not alter it except i'm not crazy on all the punctuation in the last line.
-
-
This would be perfect ...
if you would change that "c" to an "s" in "falcetto" and add an "s" on "spindle". Otherwise, this is very well done.
-
"the tempo of mistakes".... wow, my eyes just got stuck in those lines, Hensley. Yes, sometimes that tempo is too quick for our feet, but not for your pen. Beautifully written and as always, you have such a way with shorter poems!!
~ Nicolette
Adding your comment:
