Second class mail is getting much slower
Standards of service now even lower,
Most of it junk mail heading for landfill,
Or charity mailshots trading on goodwill.
The van's slowing down fry-up is calling
Delays to the mails are something appalling
Stamps cost a fortune come in a book
Is this the right one where can I look?
Packages, parcels, low business rate
All in one post van and all of it late
Card from your Mother, "Best Wishes" son
Just has you guessing "Now what have I done?"
Postie is dawdling, stops for a fag
Chats to a neighbour, has a good drag
Clatter of envelopes crash to the mat
Most are for next-door, he's scared of their cat
Catalogue filled with ladies undressing,
Study that later, I don't mind confessing!
Bill for some services I haven't had
The late Birthday Present I bought for my Dad.
All that I'm waiting for hasn't arrived;
Of toys and amusements I'm sadly deprived.
The train doesn't bring them it's all done by van;
Delays and diversions where-ever they can.
Somewhere in his grave I can hear Auden spinning
And no-one can doubt why it's email that's winning!!!
Author notes
I had not checked since the original is very much in copyright but oldpoetry does have the text.
http://oldpoetry.com/opoem/8987-W-H-Auden-Night-Mail
But better if you can find somewhere the film made of it for The Royal Mail in about 1935.
A contest entry
- Parodies (serious or satirical) #62 by Winklings.
3970 points, ended April 6, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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I told you this was a cracker!
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I thought it did
my computer blew up before I got Spanky's gang attached.
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Congrats Crickky
As someone who works in a business closely related to mailing (my employer makes postage meters, shipping & weighing and presort mail software, etc.) I can appreciate a subject so close to my heart. 700,000,000 envelopes and packages collected and delivered daily in the U.S.. I have taken tours through some of the Sectional Center Facilities and it is amazing to see all the automated gadgetry that they have invested in to get the job done. Anyway, good effort here and congrats on the grand prize. -
This parody is one that struck me
as being highly relevant both to the original and to the present. You score highly with me on these two criteria.
Some line ends with no punctuation have me wondering (when there is no enjambment) as to whether you need a full-stop or comma.
Auden, a master of landscape in poetry, brings in the romance of the mail train as well. Rhythmically controlled, you preserve Auden's beat and your satire is spot on.
Finally, your rhymed couplets are marvellously preserved and bring humour.
Lyndon of the Winklings.
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One day I will learn some punctuation, I promise!
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The final judging will be ...
up to Lyndon since the contest is his. I am only a co-judge. I do not know how long that will take. I will say that this poem should rate highly since I believe it to be extremely well done. -
I really enjoyed the romance of the origional. It carried me on a path of nostalgia. Your parody of Auden's Night mail, ironically, is sadly true and I love how inspite of this fact you were able to keep it humorous. I enjoyed the ebb and flow of the rhym
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I'd never read the original before and I love it. Makes me feel quite nostalgic, even though I'm not British. When I was in Britain about 15 years ago, the Royal Mail seemed like a really good service. Not now, by the sounds of it.
Enjoyed your write very much and thanks for indirectly introducing me to the Auden poem.
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A success!
Cosidering the relentless rhymes of the original, this parody succeeds remarkably well! Mercifully reduced in length, however, because the red text darned near killed my eyes, it was long enough to capture the feeling. Laughed at the postman afraid of their cat--must be a black panther!
Terry
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text now much darker!
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What a romp!
First, thanks for the impetus to read the origional; good stuff! Yours had me laughing, and reading it, out loud. It really reads seamlessly for me, important in rhyme.
An excellent take on the piece, and very apt for the contest.
Well done.
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If ever I make someone read a poem aloud I think I've won!
Poetry is all aural for me so thank-you for a big compliment!
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A wonderful parody on Audens original and it's just a shame that everything you say about our postal service is true. You have kept the rhythm spot on throughout and I found this a joy to read.
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Well, the original ...
is certainly one of his less auspicious endeavors, and yours is far better than his in my opinion.
Actually, this is nigh on perfect, and I'm sorry to hear that your mail service is so bad. Ours is excellent, and I have to say that it's one of the few things in the United States that I don't feel has been degraded or downgraded though the horrible trials of the last 7 1/2 years of Repugs
Congrats on a job well done.
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This is the night mail, slower by far
Than French TGV, or Japanese car
Railtrack are sleeping, there's leaves on the line
Surely you don't expect letters on time?
Final demand, you've won a grand!,
Catalogues numerous as grains of sand,
Charities queueing up, wanting your loot
Throw on the fire and reduce them to soot
Where are the letters we once wrote in ink?
Gone into hyperspace, click on the link..
A thought-provoking parody of a wonderful poem. Great.
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Good!
When I learned that Sherlock Holmes received his mail twice a day, I was envious. In Canada, it's just once, Monday through Friday, and most people now have to go to a central box to collect it. Sigh, how service is degrading, and no one blushes about it.
Your poem is very good, lovely couplets, and a cute story along with an accurate complaint about postal service. All the best to you!
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Hey-you must have read about the 'postie' who hoarded 6 months of mail in his garage cos he didn't want to do the job-stole a few cd's in the process!!
Sorry-I digress-amusing cynical write-made me smile rather.
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Awesome
I totally agree with every word written, the junk comes right on time while the important stuff gets left behind! Blessings.
. Rewarded 4
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I like it CricketJeff. I like the rhythm and of course the rhyme. I like the subject matter and I know the hard working postal workers would appreciate more of us using email when we can. I also much like your descriptions of the activity of the carriers, handlers and transport of the mail with the personal life touches thrown in.
Great work. =Pome -
Jeff, how I wish I could push the button for four rounds of applause! I can see the b/w film of the steam engine, I can hear the guy's voice!... "here comes the night mail, crossing the border, bringing the cheque and the postal order"...
BRILLO!
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