If the sun's rays were threads,
I would pick each and
feed them to blind needles
who could then sense and
like an earthworm
crawl towards shadows,
puncture them
and stitch the wounds
that deny to exist.
They will silently burn
as feelings inject slowly
into paralysed holes,
slacken them
so they melt away
like the burden of snow on pines.
Celebrate then,
a rebirth like that of
the golden star that swells
from beneath the ocean's blanket
to strike a new dawn
in whose slumber
a silver coin and its symphony
become a mirror and compass
to beam at a lost traveler.
I can see these curtains
fulfilling their purpose
and yet
they give in
to the breath
of a whispering melody...
Author notes
prompt: needles and pins
A contest entry
- Needles and Pins by Danna Hobart.
300 points, ended March 23, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - project poetry season one [prewrite & fresh auditions] by blackday.
600 points, ended March 27, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites by aeolia.
400 points, ended October 26, 2008, 130 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you feel?
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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What an outstandingly beautiful poem. I'm surprised about the outcome of the contests you were in. This is such a work of art. Definitely would've been gold in a contest I held
"If the sun's rays were threads,
I would pick each and
feed them to blind needles
who could then sense and
like an earthworm
crawl towards shadows,"
Beautiful imagery. I can see and feel everything.
"a rebirth like that of
the golden star that swells
from beneath the ocean's blanket
to strike a new dawn
in whose slumber
a silver coin and its symphony
become a mirror and compass"
This is my favourite part. I love how smooth and delicate this whole image is.
Absolutely beautiful.
Your poetry is amazing.
-Lily♥
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oh, gee, thanks.
i'm delighted that you found this worth gold!
oh, in the contests i entered, i believe there were many better writers than myself. plus, with this piece, if you don't follow the flow of images, you tend to just read the words without grasping them. i guess that's part of the problem here. 
but i'm grateful you hung on.
thanks. your views are much appreciated!
bless ya!
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The images were beautiful. Your first lines were my favorite though. It was the most original to me. It really showcased a voice. The other nature crap, yeah. It's pretty, but I liked how it felt in the beginning.
That's just me personally. haha
This stuff is good though & you have a range, I know so.
You're in.
http://allpoetry.com/group/show/project%20poetry
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lol... sure, well, i'm glad at least some part of this struck out to you. thanks loadies for letting me through.
to read again, even I prefer the first part the most.
yay! i'm in!!
bless ya!
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This was simply beautiful and very original. Thank you for entering.
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yay!
thanks!!
bless ya!
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I agree it was hard to follow. Only because it ran on instead of having stanzas. It is a good write though. I caught myself reading the same line twice in a couple spots. I wish you well in the contest.
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I can understand. It gets to me too sometimes, lol.. I try to compress the images, sometimes so much that they come out all in one strand and then you're just reading the words but not grasping them until you re-read and re-read again. Sorry about that though. Thanks for expressing your views.
I'll try putting a few breaks the next time I try my hands at another write.
bless ya!
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Interesting poem. At first I found it a little hard to follow, but after rereading the poem a few times it started to come together. Definitely abstract.
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True.. I guess it's because it's a strand of images. But I'm glad you got through to them. Thanks for reading, thanks for your views!
bless ya!
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Wow. It's a beautiful poem, I'm amazed not so many people have commented. But I am sure soon it will happen =] Looking at the poem, there's nothing I can really find...
I know that making the poem longer wouldn't change it, it's perfect the way it is now. I hope you are able to win the contest! This one seems that it deserves a gold.... Blessed Be. -
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lol.. these days I hardly write, so the comments have dwindled to a bare minimum.. but I'm glad I can feature whenever I want views.
Thank a lot; I appreciate that you find this worth the reads. It's great to know you enjoyed it.
Thank you!
bless ya!
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The lines .."They will silently burn
as feelings inject slowly
into paralysed holes"
brings such a picture of the threads of sun light penitrating the darkness. Very good use of the prompt.
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Thanks for reading and pointing out the lines you felt the most. I'm glad the poem communicated to you.
bless ya!
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grrreeat write
If the sun's rays were threads,
I would pick each and
feed them to blind needles
that is my favorite part ..i realy enjoyed this piece keep up the good work
andi~ -
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Thanks a lot!
I'm really glad to know that you liked this.
bless you!
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