Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

En Tu Amor

En tu amor

I have become a fountain,

cupping hands
to sip its own immortalizing waters;

a trapped grain of light,
trying to assure itself
as it sinks in the corner of an hourglass
where it is one element of eternity,
and so it understands eternity.

I have become a child's sacrilegious
trust in imagination,
conviction in a rainbow's integrity,
and careful alignment
of shadow and flesh;

 

En tu amor,  

a wound, rubbed
against the panther‘s undercutting tongue,
a hooded snake that dies from a lick
of its own fangs.

Author notes

In Your Love

Like most people, I've been changed by love.
It's made me grow...it's taught me that life isn't all about getting what you want, but rather, celebrating its existence

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    November 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    your move is quite intriguing and yoiur imapct is very curious as well..thank you for your entry ..well done...


  • IAmAlreadyGone
    March 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    love it


  • Naridill gold member
    March 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    oops

  • Naridill gold member
    March 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I loved this - as on its own - the title wouldn't seem so dull but I think the use in poem takes to effect away but its brilliantly used in poem with the repetition. I adore the imagery and simple yet such depth here.


  • Tangled Angle
    March 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    91.6

    I like the spanish put it in here. I think you could have done better with the title. When translated into English, it is "In Your Love" -which is so boring and simple. Spanish or English, horrible choice of title.
    It's frustrating (for me too), because you could have scored 6 points higher if you would have put more thought into the title.

    I did, however, enjoy the "En tu amor" in the poem itself. Good use of repetition. Just enough to keep it directly focused.

    I thought this had a really smooth, well controlled flow. I really liked the word choice in this one. You had a few interesting words--but not any that were like "wow, that does not belong in a poem" - i thought you kept it interesting. Well transitioned and developed. It's ironic that you choose to write about love changing you...which had the potential end up horrendously cliche, but I thought you worked it out...and did a good job. Even though I think you'll end up in the middle...like 4th-5th-ish place, as you have been doing lately (and with that said, it's time to really step it up), I believe this is your strongest poem so far in the contest.

    But with a better title, I think you would have at least placed 3rd.

    Lesson learned, ALWAYS have a strong title.

    Good luck.


  • Mad As Rabbits
    March 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful write. I loved the whole message of this and the way you expressed your ideas in words was just flawless. Powerful ending, and I really enjoyed the middle two stanzas.

    Best of luck this round.

    Love Always,

    Caroline


  • And Hyetal
    March 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I'm jealous. Really jealous. Your entry rocks when Mine is going to suck serious butt.

    I love everything about this poem, if you can't tell.

    ~Cassie

    • And Hyetal
      March 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      and I just realized I had a major typo in my comment. Meant to say

      "Your entry rocks. Mine is going to suck serious butt. "


    • Raazi
      March 9, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      Thanks. Can I have the candy bar now?

1 - 10 of 10