Hair curled in a heap on the floor,
Red smears;
Scarlet in the sunlight.
Triangular shape tiles,
Forever forgotten;
While carpeted underneath.
Far away fairytale
Hearts lay in pieces;
Shattered against lonely walls.
Cringing expression,
Music to touch the soul;
Never!
ever again..
Author notes
uhh, i know it's short, but i hope you like it anyway.
Criticism is welcome. 
A contest entry
- Join, Friends by Kikai Ni.
1150 points, ended March 17, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - More than 10 but Less then 60 Quickie by SuicidalLover.
550 points, ended November 20, 2008, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~Give me your BEST Prewrites~ by Bean Sidhe.
1000 points, ended November 14, 2008, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites :) Yes, as many as you like, but hell this wont be simple. by xxRainbowDawnxx.
700 points, ended November 3, 1090 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Very good imagery, Love the vision that it portrays and the hint of dispair that you can feel. Almost has a betrayed tone also. Very poetic! Wonderfully done.
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Very much a hairdressers I thought, but could be the music one listens too, could be enough to pull your hair out, nicely written, well done. Sir William,
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Thank you for your entry & good luck!
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like it
i 
it 
Far away fairytale
hearts lay in pieces;
shattered against lonely walls.
oh this is so visual and awesome all of it
this deserves a bigger trophy
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I love the imagery in this. Part of what I love about poetry is the condensed imagery of it, taking a few words and weaving a picture out of it. Instead of rambling on, good poetry is distilled, every word packed with meaning, subtext. Like a gunshot, rather than a drone.
One relatively minor, nitpicky thing, though: that last line, that "Ever again...". Capitals almost make it seem too strong; in my head that line is whispered, desperate. But really, that's a stylistic thing, and I am lower-case crazy right now.
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i dont like it
... I love it 
soo expressive an the word choices are awesome with shapes an colors an actions like shatterd an cringing
Far away fairytale
hearts lay in pieces;
shattered against lonely walls.
Cringing expression,
music to touch the soul;
Never!
Ever again..
i love the flow of it WTG!!!
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wow, thanks
glad you liked it!!
Sleep-N
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The use of basic shapes and colors were thought-provoking, like a profound idea expressed in short sentences with simple words.
The last line really touched my heart, and I appreciate the ending of a poem the most.
Well done.
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