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spring is in the air

buds are appearing
burst on skeletal branches
barely etching air
blown in cold crossed perceptions
blue-vein permeates colours
a bright green growing
ridiculous explosions
akin to micro
biological disease
bisected with knives
anointing smear plates
seen by scientists.

Author notes

irregular tanka due to acrostic attempt (but with too many b's for the intro')

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barabbas

A contest entry

tell me exactly what you think; no holds barred!

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • corrughadh
    March 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I see now, you surpass yourself again.


  • Twisted Fairy
    March 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    It is strange for you to use biological disease in this poem because it seems to detract from the visual imagery. Try working on this a little more


    • polly filla
      March 22, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      well, if you think about how microbiological organisms look under the microscope...they're very colourful

      thanks for the comment


      • Twisted Fairy
        March 22, 2008

        Edit | Reply
        Oh. I really didn't think about that. I thought you were talking about nuclear war or something. Geez, I'm messed up.


  • Swan song gold member
    March 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    It read well Hard to call it a tanka but honestly is was a nice poem to read.

  • corrughadh
    March 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    good for you that xxx

    • polly filla
      March 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      did you notice the acrostic? I've added a wiki link in the notes


  • lilith78
    March 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is good! I like it! Spring is in the air, buds on branches, a bright green growing . . . the alliteration is great! I'm not sure why you think all the b's in the intro is too much - I believe that it reinforces the action of the poem. These little buds bursting from their husks and blooming despite the cool crisp spring air.
    I would only suggest changing 'burst' to 'bursting' - just to keep the verbs in the same tense.

    Love it, Polly!

    Lilith

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    March 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply


  • sheltered
    March 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Quite a creative spin. I like the first one best as I am a big fan of alliteration and "barely etching air" great line.


    • polly filla
      March 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thanks! I'm a big fan of alliteration, too it has movement, so I'm glad you appreciate my attempts


  • LadyDementia gold member
    March 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow wicked imagery here, love the word skeletal, worked it into a few writes myself. A great piece, good luck in the contest


  • Matt Holck
    March 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    dounded like robert frost - knowgirl

    I liked the skeletal branches etching the air


    • polly filla
      March 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I've heard of him...might be tapping into the unconscious...unknowingshowgirl

      glad you said; I've been trying to work 'skeletal' and 'etching' into a few things recently...impressed you like this

      thanks, Matt!

1 - 15 of 15