if u listen with
a soft tiptoe
ur heart
can hear
a fading
cloud
as it whispers
my blues
like a fog
whimpering,
if u look into my
eyes the tears
slowly u
can see
they
drip
crystal topaz saddened
blue, cause
I no
longer
want
to
be
with
u...
Author notes
healing a heartbreak
A contest entry
- Blue by bloodred cherry.
450 points, ended March 27, 2008, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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OMG!!!!!!!!! This piece is beautiful and heart-breaking all at once. I can definitely relate to this piece. So powerful and honest. Straight to the point, yet metaphoric. Awesome, amazing piece. - cgirl0410
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Awww...thanx
Again, thanxxx for your heart-filled response. Writing this piece was very healing for me and releasing. I feel so much better now, cause this is VERY personal, as u well know. Glad u enjoyed it and that it touched your heart! All the best to you, your life and your love!
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A good way.
This is a good way to say goodbye to someone who you just no longer wish to be with. We do have to think of creative ways to do so. And you did it.
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i don't like chat lingo.. it caused me huge problems in my exams and sometimes here in ap .. so please don't keep a habit of using it... but to this write its okay
i agree to tekno-raynebow.. this enhances your write
congrats for your silver
abdulla
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thank you and
thanx for your comments and I respect your opinion and choices...fyi I'm an English Professor (for many decades!) and I enjoy using "non-traditional" language in my creative pieces to emphasize a message-cause I'm really unconventional! When I was first introduced to poetry, one of my favorites was e.e. cummings because he "bent" those stiff "academic" rules...loved it and now, many times I use it in my own work. All the best to you!
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Usually it really makes me mad when people use u and those things but it really added to this piece. You are the only one I have ever seen that can make "chat language" really work in a poem. wonderful write.
pixie -
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thank you so much
hi and thank you so much for your kind comments and wonderful support! This means so much to me and I will come read your work soon! hugs from me to you
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you really deserve some of these
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geeeeez...thanks so much!
Geeeez, thanks so much it was/is such fun and what a great contest!!!
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oh wow. the whole poem is just...i liked it very much!
thank you for you entry!
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