There was powder
on the tip of my tongue
that the ocean I'd consumed
couldn't bear to erase.
It served as a reminder
of what was to come,
although I could never forget
my only task for completion.
But it burst out
in the form of liquidity-
white chemicals
that pierced the bag
and left me praying
to a God I never knew
for something to happen
(anything but this)
And they told me that somewhere
there was someone
who made me live,
that luck was mine,
handed on God's plate.
But still,
a month later,
I scrub my mouth
to erase powder
and chemical waste
as they suffocate;
trying to wash away God,
and all the graces
I never once prayed for.
Author notes
Needs to be edited, definately. But I liked the title. Some of it is meant to make you see beyond what is being said, but hey, surface meaning is more than enough right now.
(Yeah, bed time, don't you think?)
A contest entry
- More prompts by Hadji Murad.
300 points, ended April 3, 2008, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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I have briefly passed over a few of your writes and find your poems to convey much emotion, using some excellent visuals and both soft and powerful tones of expression. I was especially intrigued by this, 'Tasting God', and I believe it to be well written in a way that inspires the imaginations of everyone, and makes them wonder... many interpretations could be drawn from this piece. Congratulations on gaining your trophy. Nicely done.
David. x
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Thank you! That's such a great compliment, it really boosted my almost depleted confidence of late
Thanks once again!
Michelle
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wow. a powerful write, especially the last stanza. great poem!
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Thanks!
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The "liquidity- white chemicals" that "left you praying" seem to refer to an addiction. Being saved by a "God I never knew" may seem to be unearned, and could be easily spurned.
We all have demons and at some point feel unworthy of anyone's help. But that is always when God is the most likely to give us strength to go on.
A very strong write here that appears to be very personal. ~ Joyce -
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second comment from you on this one!
You've very, very close. But it's not an addiction. On a similar wavelength though. I'm glad you got it from the poem, all those little details I add in - they're what (I hope) give detail to me as a person, rather than just a stereotype.
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0.0 Woah....
This really makes you wonder! Nice job!! =] -
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Thanks!
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VERY nice write
Frightening to some that God might actually be out there. If they could wash away the many truths that support His existence, they would. It is a push-pull situation. Pray when you need help and spit out what scares you.
Thought provoking poem.
Joyce
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I rather seek the depths of the spectrum then accept the surface meaning lurking in plain sight. tasting god, losing touch, disassociation.. they all go hand in hand. I see lucidity in this, but I could be interpreting it differently. Very elusive, intriguing write.
I salute you.
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Thank you for the comment. Great to see someone who thinks about what they read sometimes. And at times it is ludic, but it depends... I myself see different interpretations everytime I read it.
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Chilling. Especially since I know much of what is behind this.
I know I've said this before but you really scare me sometimes.
Last stanza was paticularly powerful.
I just read the whole thing again and... damn girl, you have some serious talent.
Be safe, okay?
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Yeah, it takes me long to brush my teeth. I'm amazed there's anything left of them.
And I'm always safe.
Wait...
does that include hurting others?
Or do I REALLY have to hold back from killing certain assholes?
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