I'm A Sin

The one word that broke my heart is my only offer of forgiveness,
I’m disappointed in me, disappointed in you.
They say it’s a sin, well I guess I’m a sin too.

I held it out in the open for too long,
A desperate race against time,
But in reality, time means nothing,
Especially when the one thing you needed is gone.
It’s all my fault, again. Don’t forgive me.

I’m a sin.

Take me out and watch the stars fall,
Take it off my mind and offer me something I would’ve never taken before,
What are you looking for?
What is it that you want?

I wait,
I break,
I breath, stay awake,
But in reality, this means nothing,
Forget me, I’m already d.e.a.d.
Or at least pretty close to it.

I love you.

I miss the days when it was a mystery,
Hearing those words were so new to me,
I miss hearing your voice,
Feeling your soft touch,
Why?

And your face was always in my dreams,
You never smiled,
But once,
I think I died that day, I really do.

I took a step back and look what I found.

I was hiding for far too long,
I still am,
But when I’m with you I’m free,
For just that hour, until you say goodbye,
Until I whisper in my head I love you,
But I’m too scared to say, too scared you won’t believe me.

I watch the shadows form and I keep telling myself this isn’t my life,
It all happened to fast and you’re gone,
You’re on the other side, so much happier without me,
I wish I was with you, I keep telling myself it’s still my life.

Hold me one last time, even if you really did stop caring.

Author notes

It's true, it all happened way too fast. One second I'm having the time of my life and the next I'm lying on the floor crying, wishing I was back there. How could I be so blind? How could I not have seen it coming? What happened to me?
And they expect me to stop. They expect me to talk. They don't know anything; they think they know it all. But I think he knows. I hate seeing other people's pain, the same pain I've dealt with for so long now. It kills me, especially when that person is someone I really care about.
This poem is about a lot of stuff but mostly about my depression, mostly about that turn in my life that brought it to the surface. And of course last year. I still miss it. I still haven't completely let it go yet..I can't, no matter how hard I try. I haven't let you go. I still love you. I miss you, not a second goes by that I don't. I feel so bad for all those things that I've done to you and I feel I don't deserve you anymore.