Static waves crumble beneath a gibbous moon,
a pearlized rose unfurls, scent in full bloom.
Days begin to melt, blending softly away,
seams start to show, each one coloured grey.
Oranges once firm now furred with sage,
reflections whispering somehow I've aged.
Walking upon destiny's crystal rainbow,
wishing for a second, fates pace would slow.
Time echoes backwards, creating swirls of leaves,
feathered memories glisten, sprinkled in the breeze.
Bouncing on amber rays from a golden sun,
when double ended candles lit the way to fun.
No thoughts were given to unseen days of old,
Events to slow and gradual to notice them unfold.
Between a time that was and moments yet to come,
I matured on the outside, but inside I'm still young.
Author notes
This piece now has a companion. wbiro has penned an awesome response to my poem which can be found here...
http://allpoetry.com/poem/show/4020099
Please try and take the time to check it out, simply put it is breathtaking...Thank you so much wbiro for taking the time to write such a beautiful poem.
A contest entry
- Poetic challenge: A New Beginning!!! by luckynsincere.
525 points, ended March 25, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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You're only as old as you feel....this is a raw, yet beautiful write.
Time often gets away from us, leaving us no time to fulfil our every desire and want...but time doesn't have to go so fast. Slow down, stop...take 5 minutes to smell the flowers every once in a while.
Bravo!
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Great piece... I see that Bear also liked it. I loved it!!!! It is so creative. I however do feel that your theme is wonderfulllllllll!
My sweet bear is right 
we often have different views. One week I may love and he does not like... the next week he is crazy about it, and I dislike... lol. This keeps our challenge fair 
I am glad that you are interested. This challenge will not be an easy one. The judges will always give very crucial comments. This is so that you can see how the viewer views you.... each and every word will be "looked upon" lol. But the comments will never be degrating or insulting... the may cut a bit, but it is only to show you that there is no way to truly please everyone. Critisism is something writers get a lot of
At the close of this contest, there will be a link left for a group.... it is required for you to join that group for you to continue in this challenge. This way you can better keep up with the rounds... and you will have a chance at the little bonus rounds we hold in the group for a few extra lil points. Hope your still wanting to be with us... I would love to read more of you!
Mel
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Excellent
Very creative and well expressed. Best of luck in the contest.
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can I firstly just point out it should be 'too' 2nd line last stanza, just to improve the sense of the piece. That said it is a beautiful poem & any woman reaching maturity in outer form can relate because time does not diminish the heart of the girl within. I like the tarot reference of the double ended candles, reflecting a journey of discovery through the world, which ends with a discovery of self.
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I like it... it needs a companion piece however to bring out it's essence... a piece written by someone else who is experienced and quite adept at writing companion pieces, especially romantic ones... let me see if I can find that person...
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Hi :)
Welcome to the Poetic Challenge contest ~
As I told another few Poets....from me, you will find that I ask for more than most Judges....in certain areas I should say.......and if I don't see it, it will affect your score.....but I do tell you up front......or I try :)
Your entry is long....lots of imagery....lots of showing.....lots of vivid lines.....but..
.....I think your power of lasting impression on me, with this poem, will not last ~
I believe I see talent in your quill, but you are saving it for another time.....and now is the time ~
You have to look at this Challenge as something you want to win......and as a contestant for 3 years, I know it takes a lot to win this thing :)
I love everything from the Presentation, border, font, etc....but the Theme just made no impact on me to receive high scores in that area ~
...however,
Your entry will receive high scores in many of the areas I have already mentioned ~
:)
Your score will be sent to Melanie, your Host ~
Good luck to you....and just remember, not all of us Judges are the same, so I hope you find lots of useful critiques on your write :) ...good job,
Bear ~
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Excellent! and I can so relate.
Great rhyme and imagery
"when double ended candles lit the way to fun"
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This is a good poem, very easy to relate to, as my mirror reports something similar. I like the imagery, soft lights in the darkness. Good luck!
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I love this! Great wording that reads so smoothly and paints a picture full of images and emotion on the loss of youth and how quickly it passes by un-noticed. I especially like the wording,
'Walking upon destiny's crystal rainbow,
wishing for a second, fates pace would slow.'
Beautiful!
Best wishes in your contest.
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