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Little Girl

Twas’ a loving young man called John (so it seems,)
married Rosie the beautiful girl of his dreams.
They met one warm summer’s night,
it was mutualy love at first sight.

They were hardly ever apart,
being madly in love from the start.
Then their love rewarded the pair,
with a beautiful girl with blond hair.

From the very first day of her birth,
pearl was the source of  laughter and mirth.
And every day John would hug little Pearl,
and say I love you little girl.

And when pearl reached four,
said I’m not a little girl any more.
John said Pearl you’ll always be my little girl,
now and for evermore.

As pearl's life unfurled,
wherever she went in the world.
Pearl’s heart would sing,
at the phone bell’s ring.

Her head in a whirl,
when the voice said.
I Love you little Girl.
then one day came a call,

Wasn’t from dad at all,
was from her broken hearted Mum.
Who said dad had a stroke, and was very ill,
summoned Pearl to his bedside to come.

But John couldn’t speak to his”little girl,”
nor could he understand what she said.
He wanted to say I Love YOU,
but could only mumble instead.

She looked at her loving father,
and did the only thing she could do.
Climbed on to the bed beside him,
as he lay there so weak and so blue.

Then tears ran from both of their eyes,
as she gave him a gentle embrace.
He couldn’t say I Love You,
nor manage a smile on his face.

as her head rested on his chest,
his heart beat steadily away.
Then magically his heart beat out,
the words his mouth just couldn’t say.
I Love you,! I Love You! Little Girl,!
then he slowly passed away.

Author notes

JUDMC Option no.2

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 99 of 103     1 2  next >  (show all)

  • Fire-Fly
    November 9
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    A very sad story - told in an open and honest way, I think that's what makes it so effective.

    Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.


  • LunaBaby1414
    November 9
    Edit | Reply
    this made me cry. i really like this thanks for entering the contest
    lun


  • SiC
    October 5
    Edit | Reply
    WOW very deep and emotional. i love this write. great job composing this.


  • blackrabbit. gold member
    July 29
    Edit | Reply
    this is so very sad =[


  • Lady Michaella
    July 24
    Edit | Reply
    this make me cry. this is so heartbreaking.. and its perfect.


  • XxNinjaNemoxX
    July 19
    Edit | Reply
    Utterfly heartbreaking.
    Great write.


  • Fallen Under Light
    July 16
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is sad.
    But it is a wonderful write.
    ;D

    Good luck!!


  • ThaliaRose
    July 15
    Edit | Reply

    beautiful

    i love it its so sad and it has so much emotion very well written ^_^

  • bookworm987
    July 13
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful. Heart-wrenching, tear jerking, but beautiful. Thank you for entering.

    [Liz<3]


  • forbidden-colour
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    Very sad and emotional.
    This must have been hard to cope with thank you for entering.
    Kindest of regards
    Sophie.


  • xXMe17xX
    July 5

    Edit | Reply
    u little wiennersnitzel. this is great its so damn sad. is it true?ur great no wonder u won so many trohpys think u might win mine too


  • Fallen-Thumper
    July 5

    Edit | Reply
    wow. brilliant. really liked it and it has alot of emotion. a great write. tears came to my eyes.
    good luck and thanks for entering

    • judmc
      July 5
      Edit | Reply

      whitecoffee

      Many Thanks for kind comments on "Darwins Chair" so glad you liked it.Best Wishes....George...

    • judmc
      July 5
      Edit | Reply

      xDemon Princessx

      Many Thanks for your kind comments on "Little Girl" so glad you liked it. Best Wishes...George...


  • Simply Simple
    July 1

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful and well written. Didn't make me cry, but I still loved it. So sad. Thank you for entering.


  • innocence jaded.xx
    June 13

    Edit | Reply
    Gahh, so I absolutely LOVE this, but the contest is only freeverse/prose, and not rhyme.


    Very incredibly written, though. I loved it. ♥


  • Hannah Carr
    June 10
    Edit | Reply
    Oh MY GOSH!!! That's so sad...my eyes were watering at the end there. sad


  • MelissahhMidnite
    June 6
    Edit | Reply
    oh my goodness this is so sad and beautiful.
    thanks for entering


  • AutumnGypsy gold member
    June 5

    Edit | Reply
    THis is such a sad little piece, I wonder how often this kind of thing happens, we should just say everything we need to before it's too late. Best to you in the contest


  • DesolatELifE
    June 4

    Edit | Reply
    Yeah, that is sad. For the father, that's probably the saddest thing that could have happened. Knowing you'll not last much longer, be so close to someone, and not being able to say goodbye or even smile. Thanks.

    • judmc
      June 4
      Edit | Reply

      DesolatELifE

      Thanks for your kind comments on "Little Girl" (sadder than"Death Row") glad you liked it.... George...


  • ladybug.
    May 30
    Edit | Reply
    Very well written, and my eyes did get a little blurry whilst reading. Thank you very much.


  • Forgotten Anomaly
    May 27

    Edit | Reply
    A very sad poem by context, wonderfully written, and it tells a wonderful story. I can't relate though, as every time I think about my own father I want to break something, or hurt someone, but I still like this.

    In the second to last line there is no need for an exclamation mark and comma both to be used, just and exclamation mark would work much better.

    Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.


  • AkitoTae
    May 22

    Edit | Reply
    Okay, wow, now I want to cry this is a very touching poem,very good work, very well written! I wish you good luck! ^_^

  • Xxpoison.kissesxX silver member
    May 7
    Edit | Reply
    So sad yet so beautiful! wow.... mostly sad, but great rhyme!


  • The Hardest Goodbye
    May 3
    Edit | Reply
    wow, this poems been in a lot of contests. But it should be, because this was truely an amazing poem. It was so sad, it almost made me tear up, the whole time I was reading it I was picturing my father on that hospital bed and me laying beside him, god that would be devestating. Breath taking job =D

    Thank you VERY much for putting it in my contest ~


  • pattyann4500
    May 3

    Edit | Reply
    What a lovely poem that suddenly tore out my heart! So terribly sad when we turn away from one who loves us so much for the world only to return when it is too late. Such a beautiful read. Good luck in the contest, my friend. Hugs, Patricia


  • lockdoubt
    April 27

    Edit | Reply
    thanks for entering. i made a few revisions to the contest rules right about the same time that you entered this. i forgot to mention that i'm looking for free verse and minimal rhyming. go ahead and submit another if you'd like. thanks again.

    • judmc
      April 27
      Edit | Reply

      lockdoubt

      I'm sorry I didnt notice your stipulation about "free" verse I am unable to write rhymeless poetry and I consider it an aberration as it is really prose, not poetry Best Wishes... George


  • Simp
    April 4
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for entering my first ever contest.
    Oh wow, I think I've read and commented this before. If not I'm very sure I've read this before.
    I love this, 'With her head rested on his chest,
    as his heart beat steadily away.
    Then magically his heart beat out,
    the words his mouth just couldn’t say.
    I Love you,! I Love You! Little Girl,!
    then he slowly passed away.


  • LovelyLauren
    March 18

    Edit | Reply
    oh my god... wow...this is soo good! I wish I hadn't read it because I didn't really wanna cry right now, but wow!
    awesome job...best of luck in all the contests you entered this in!

    Lauren


  • SunDew
    January 23

    Edit | Reply
    This write made me want to cry. You see, I never had a real father in my life to look up to & admire. Both my real & stepfathers are men whom I cannot begin to love in the way a little girl loves her daddy. My uncle, though, has taken that place in my heart. When he finally dies, it will be a terrible blow to me. I'll feel like the girl in this poem. I'll always know he loves me, even if he can't say it.

    Thanks for sharing & good luck!
    ~Bright


  • WednesdayJade
    January 5
    Edit | Reply
    Awww this is really beautiful and sad at the same time lol.
    Really well done, it's great
    x x x


  • nobodys-girl
    December 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i seriously just started to cry. wow this is amazing... thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck!


  • Brilliant Blonde22
    December 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This write made me emotional and shed tear after tear! Thanks for the write!
    ~Kelsey Charlene~


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    December 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    awww this is so heartwrenching, it makes me want to cry.

    • judmc
      December 10, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Midnight-x-Rose

      Many Thanks for your kind comments on "Little Girl" glad you liked it.
      Hope you didn't get too upset. Best Wishes George ++++


  • Raining Kisses silver member
    November 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is a lovely poem, very touching


  • Learning2PaintYou
    November 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your entry. I liked the line, "but could only mumble instead."

  • celadia
    October 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    There are a few spelling mistakes here, which distract a bit from the flow of this beautiful poem. I think if you just clear up the spelling, thanks for entering.

    • judmc
      October 31, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      celadia

      Many Thanks for your kind remarks on "Little Girl" I have been through
      it and corrected( as far as I'm aware)all the abnormalities in it.
      Best Wishes and kind regards George ++++


  • Rheea gold member
    October 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is so beautiful George so sweet and tender. I love this so much I would like to touch it.Some litle girls had everything.


  • trekkergirl
    October 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow this is a wonderful write. And so true for you know that a parent will always love their child no matter what happens. Thanks for sharing this and thanks for entering it in my contest.


  • Perfect-Pain
    October 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    That's so intense! and a great rhyme scheme. Thank you for entering.


  • AutumnsFlame
    October 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    The ending was kind of sad. This was an alright poem. I'm not a huge fan of it all being in one long paragraph, though. I also think you could have put a lot more imagery in this. Thank you for entering my contest, but this wasn't exactly what I was looking for.

    • judmc
      October 22, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      AutumnsFlame

      Thank you for commenting on "Little Girl. I have "stanza-ised" it But as far as adding more imagery is concerned I dont believe in Imagery for imagery's sake unlike many gold winners whose poems consist almost entirely of metaphoric, irrelevant, rhymless "imagery" with no attempt at narration.I dont comment them,I put all my criticism in
      my "Poetricality" poem Best Wishes George



  • sclark
    October 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Truley amazing and talented!

    • judmc
      October 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      bananasfoster

      Many Thanks for your kind comments on"The Contestant" so glad you liked it Best Wishes George +++

    • judmc
      October 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      sclark

      Many Thanks for your kind comments on "Little Girl" glad you liked it
      Best Wishes and Kindest Regards George ++++


  • Shannon62875
    October 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    awww

    OMG!! This is a really, really sad write... It was very good though! In the beginning the rhymeing was way to much but then it got really better... It was a great work.. good luck in my contest and keep up the great work!
    shanon*Leah


  • vampireblood
    September 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh my goodness. This was sooo sad =[
    I really liked this piece though, it was so heartbreaking. The poem flowed very nicely. Thank you so much for entering and best of luck to you in my contest.

    Vampy


  • Avatar of Innocence
    September 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for entering my contest and being patient with me.

    I wish you the best of luck in this contest and all your other contests.


  • November-Dani
    August 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Absolutly incredible! I love it. Such sadness, building up to the turn in the story. Intruding the characters, realy makes you feel attached. I love it.
    Thank you ever so much for entering, good luck to you,
    Dani.


  • A63-Angel
    August 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    deja vu

    OMG! I read this and it brought back so many memories. My father had a stroke when I was 4 years old and I remember throwing a major fit until they let me see him (back then kids weren't allowed in the hospital rooms). I jumped onto the bed and pretty much climbed on top of him, giving him the biggest hug I could. He couldn't talk at the time and one of his eyes stayed open. They said he would never walk again but he did and was with us another 30 years.

    BEAUTIFUL!!

    • judmc
      August 31, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      A63-Angel

      Many Thanks for your kind comments on "Little Girl"
      so glad you liked it. Pleased also that your dad was able
      to tell you he loved you for another 30 years.Best Wishes
      and Kind Regards George ++++


  • Margaret Denham gold member
    August 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I remember the first time I read your poem and the tears that flowed.

    Thank you so much for entering it in my contest and best wishes in the judging.

    Love Margaret


  • Childofserenity
    August 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    thanks for entering.


  • perfectsunset gold member
    August 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully written love poem.
    Great imagery & deep emotion.

    Thanks for entering & best of luck


  • The Hardest Goodbye
    August 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was such a beautiful poem.
    So happy & so sad too.
    Im glad you put it in my contest
    good luck


  • LittleDecoy
    August 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    great write! the emotion was overwhelming.
    this is a beautiful & deep piece.
    the story was wonderful. thank you so much for sharing.
    thanks for entering and good luck in my contest.


  • EvenStarsBreak--x
    July 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow, very unique poem, beautifully written. Such a sweet yet sad write. Thank you for the entry.


  • Brit-Girl
    July 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is a sweet and sad poem
    thank you for your entry
    Em


  • sensualbutterfly
    July 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I am at a lose for words at this moment...I have read some really sad and moving poetry in this contest but I think that this one has really un-nerved me! Emotionally charged write. Thank you. Thank you for sharing


  • Dragonheart1 gold member
    July 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This poem, Little girl carries a lot os sentiment and emotions of love. I like the last lines how his hear said the words I love you ...which he couldnt speak.


  • Georgia La Mariposa
    July 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I loved this it was sweet and i liked the story you portrayed here good luck


  • Cerbie20
    July 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow, this is a different kind of love, but still very good, and very sad, it brought tears to my eyes. the rhyme was very good. im very sorry that the little girl could not hear those last words from her father's mouth... that is very sad... really, good job!


  • Shancy Fayre
    June 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Great! Shancy.


  • XXxXBassMeisterxXxX
    May 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was a great write. I love it. it touched me in a deep way that i don't know if i wanted to be touched. I have a struggled relationship with my dad and it made me think of what i would do if he died. Great job.

    • judmc
      May 30, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      xxEmoBassMeisterxx

      Many Thanks for your kind comments on "Little Girl"
      very much appreciated.George ++++
      P.S.Swallow your pride and make peace with Dad.You only hav
      one dad,tell him you love him,and give him a hug
      As John Lennon said "Love is all you need."


  • unanswered
    May 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I have lost my father. This was such a touching emotional piece. I am rarely emotional but this defiantly tugged at the heart strings. Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest.

    • judmc
      May 29, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      unanswered

      Many Thanks for your kind comments on "Little Girl"
      Sorry about the loss of your father.Best Wishes and kind regards George ++++


  • hand-in-hand
    May 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    oh alright sorry I did miss it. I see it now thank you

  • hand-in-hand
    May 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well i thought this poem was splendid and beautifuly written. But im curious as to how this fits into my contests? love at first sight when the daughter was born?

    • judmc
      May 27, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      hand-in-hand

      They met one warm summer's night it was mutualy love at first sight(Third and fourth
      line.) Sorry you missed it.Best Wishes.George


  • true.romance
    May 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Well done, you did in fact make me cry. This was a very touching poem. Good luck in my contest.


  • CanadianGirl1
    April 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Such a Sweet Story!! You really drew me into their little world and I could see it all in my head. Wonderful Job!!


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    April 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I can see why you drew my attention to this. Very, very tender.

  • meat
    April 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I get it now...

    Dear George,
    I get it now...since I am a father I will always be missed. Thank you for reminding me of this....sometimes it is easy to forget...

    ....BTW...this is a masterpiece...


  • Butterfly24
    April 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    very sweet and sad at the same time... keep on writing.


  • Sandra R Reynolds gold member
    April 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very touching piece and emotional I have tears.

    • judmc
      April 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Talloaks

      many thanks for your kind comments on "Little Girl
      they are very much appreciated George ++++


  • vici377
    March 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    wonderful imagery and great flow..truly a wonderful story...brought a tear to my eye.....thanx so much for sharing..blessings..namaste..


  • Valley Girl silver member
    March 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very sad poem, I think that once a father has a little girl, they will always be "daddy's little girl". no matter what their age. This is a sad reality that many people have to face. I couldn't even imagine how much pain the man would of been in if he couldn't say those last three words. Nicely written. (It is a different type of love then what I had written about on my poem though.

  • Margaret Denham gold member
    March 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Reading this poem left me with goosebumps, George. You have a beautiful way with words and I am happy that you showed me the way to this lovely story of a Father and Daughter whose love outshone everything.

    Margaret

    • judmc
      May 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Jcat

      Many belated Thanks (March 17th) for your kind
      comments on my "Little Girl" poem sorry I missed you out Best Wishes and Kind Regards
      George.

    • judmc
      May 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Margaret Denham

      Many belated(March 22) Thanks for your kind comments on my "Little Girl" poem sorry I missed you out Best Wishes and Kind Regards
      George ++++


  • jcat gold member
    March 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well now I am crying!!! This was so sad and yet so beautiful!!!! I am so glad I got the chance to read it!! Thank you for sharing!!!


  • Katie Lazette
    March 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Bravo

    George this is a beautiful poem. I had to stop reading it and wipe away the tears. I had to do it again while typing this comment. A beautiful telling of the love between a father and daughter.

    Applause! Applause!

    • judmc
      March 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      < Katie Lazette

      many thanks for your kind comments on"Little Girl"
      if you have time have a look at"Peter's Girl" my today's
      offering thanks again George(JUDMC)

    • judmc
      March 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Many thanks for your kind comments on"Little Girl KATIE


  • Freelance writer
    March 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    So touching

    John has not gone anywhere. He is around her little daughter only. The level of existence only changes by death. Those who can learn the method can see their beloved anywhere anytime even after death.

  • Eusebius
    March 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ouch! sad stuff here! Oh, my goodness.... nice story line, well sustained throughout the poem... bravo... bravo... bravo...

    • judmc
      March 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Noah20tymatal

      Many thanks for your kind comments on "Little Girl"
      I've just posted one called"Peter's Girl" see what you think George (JUDMC)Thanks!

    • judmc
      March 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Ephiphany

      Many thanks for your kind comments on "Little Girl"
      very much appreciated can I offer today's offering "Peter's Girl" for your approval(Cheeky)George (JUDMC U.K.

    • judmc
      March 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Eusebius

      THank you for your kind comments on "Little Girl"
      very much appreciated George (JUDMC)can I persuade you to try my today's offering "Peter's Girl"


  • forgotten hopes
    March 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is so sad, it nearly made me cry. I really like the way the story is told and the emotional connection you build by describing the characters feelings so well. The rhythm is a litte off at times but it didnt make it any less of a powerfull piece
    very well done


  • RedwingSpirit silver member
    March 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Aww this is heart wrenching What a wonderful write Thanks for sharing this Dear I like it a lot

    • judmc
      March 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      <

      Many thanks for your kind remarks on "Little Girl" Cara
      George(JUDMC

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