Harvest time in the country
Fields of a golden shade
All the crops to be harvested
I watch them cut by blade
The blackbirds begin to gather
It’s a ritual every year
An enormous sound of music
That everyone can’t help but hear
The sun shines golden warm
Beating upon my brow
As I take in this moment
Soon it will be time to plough
The wonders of their numbers
As they set upon power line
It is all quite overwhelming
For this lonely heart of mine
Too soon there will be silence
As they shall all fly away
For the cold winter is coming
They shall all return some day
All the wonders of nature
I hear the beauty of it’s call
I shall always remember
The sounds of blackbird fall
Author notes
Option: Blackbird Fall
A contest entry
- The TITLE contest...show me how clever you are... by Demington.
700 points, ended March 24, 2008, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
Teh choice to combine a clipped simplicity with a traditional rhyme scheme will always carry the danger of coming across as common and pedestrian.
To be honest there are a few spots that come across that way in this poem. Lines (5.9.12.16.17.22 and 23) all seem to be a bit too bland. You might want to try and set the scene a bit more with some concrete verbs. Give us some imagery that is creative with an aromatic quality to it that makes us think that we can see, taste, touch, even smell what you're talking about. If you have the room and the inspiration, tying such concrete details to a metaphor might be a good idea as well, perhaps making some sort of connection with the relationship of the narrator of the poem and the blackbirds.
That relationship serves the poem well and made it a joy to read. Despite my critique I liked this poem very much. Thank you for submitting!!!
Blessings,
C
Adding your comment:
