you raised
the knife- and I
almost thought
you were
going to end
your life
that crazy night.
I remember
being too numb
to say anything;
only just the
chaotic silence
in our ears
filled my head.
I remember
someone screaming;
now I think,
it must’ve been me.
later, it was ok
because you came
back-
and we ate dinner
like nothing
major happened
that crazy night.
A contest entry
- Trophy pickup contest!!! Prewrites most welcome by sheltered.
600 points, ended June 7, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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wow
I love the crazy feelings in this poem and how well it flowed. there is a pause in the end stamza which I think was very smart and a lovely poemj.
The first few words are in mjy mind and I think they are an awesome start to the poem. The story was amazing too.
transit~
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This sounds very real.
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This actually kept me quite entranced until the end which basically refered back to the title
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I really like this one....however i would edit "only just the / chaotic silence"; using both only and just is redundant and I think distracts from the piece. Still, great read; I particularly liked the way the end mimicked the beginning.
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wow I remember crazy nites like this in my teenage years. I really like this poem alot. I can't see why it shouldn't make to the finalist section
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Woah. I hope its not based on a true story. If not, you've portrayed a tale magnificently - very realistic, methinks. Wicked babe.
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i just keep stumbling across your poetry.
and i'm starting to like it.
the topic is defeintely interesting.
i like the way you write in just a plain way, but your topic make it the good poetry that it is.
lovely.
<33
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