It hurts because I am not wise,
I am a fool, and fixed things so it would.
I made us break,
and when I stand beside this ocean
in turn it makes me see your eyes;
the long, streaming, swaying kelp recalls
the bitter scent of your hair in a rainstorm
and your clinging clothes.
I cut deep into us, knowing that the pain
would last for years, sting for life.
I lick this wound,
so sure that it will never heal…
In a list
A contest entry
- Peel Away The Band-Aid by Dalaney.
1000 points, ended March 8, 18 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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can so relate to these feelings, maybe we wish for what we cannot have, or simply invite the moment of heartbreak as if it would not matter but it does...so very much...wonderful poetry here...'skid
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I am glad you like this, 'skid. It's short, but I put a lot into it.
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Oh. Different. I like rhyme but his makes me think. A lot.
Been there, done that still have the tshirt. There is a lot to learn about poems I think.
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Wow! I was working so much, I missed a ton of your poems. (You can spank me). I love this as I do all your writes. No wonder it recieved a little gold effigy.
Love,
Amera♥
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Yes, I have been rather prolific lately. Thanks for the appreciation
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Wow. This is truly quite an intense piece of emotion. Something I can not only relate to, but feel... Nice use of imagery to peel that band aid away. Great write!
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Thanks very much. I am glad it communicates to you.
I do most of my poetry-writing as entries to contests at the moment, in order to force myself to write, because I have been "dry" for so long. It's good to know I can still write like this when I have to. Comment much appreciated.
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Sad but beautiful
How often do we continue to tear at out wounds, sometimes a happening in the present can reopen the wounds of the past.
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congrats on the trophy! it was well deserved! the imagery was astounding! "the bitter scent of your hair in a rainstorm" that is a beautiful line, that paints a great picture, as well as ignites the senses! great job!!
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Thank you. When I can do something like that in a poem, I know I'm on the right track.
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Great use of words in this poem; liked the alliteration and the images presented through these lines. Lovely gold - congratulations.
. Rewarded 4
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Amazing! Such fresh and captivating imagery in this!! I love the uneasy flow to the poem. A myriad of short chopped sentances and long enjambed lines.
The cool, fresh, misty imagery of the sea is coldy contrasted against the hostile and angry images of "cut..pain...sting"
Really evocative of emotion and thought, an excellent write
. Rewarded 6
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My favorite lines:
"and when I stand beside this ocean
in turn it makes me see your eyes;"
That alone shows that no matter what, when you are away from someone you loved, no matter what the reasons were...you always are reminded of that person. And sometimes that makes you rethink of what happened was the right thing.
The title is perfect for this poem because any type of heartbreak always hurts. The first line shows that there is thoughts of what happened may not have been the best thing to do and the ending shows that sometimes a heartache never does seem to go away. Great write and keep up the great work. -
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Thank you for your appreciation. I composed this poem to go straight to the point of the contest, from the title onwards, and that seems to have worked.
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Wow. This was one hell of a piece you penned. Saw it in the feature block and just had clicked on it and am so glad I did. This was terrific. Congrats on a well deserved gold.
LS
. Rewarded 4
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And thank you for that praise. I dug deep for some feelings from way back - found they were still there.
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Well now.
I knew that this was a good one to click on. You proved me right. This piece definetly should have gotten the gold. -
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Glad I proved you right.
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this is great i have felt like this before and I know some one who does at the moment... grazt
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Yes, I have to confess I know how it feels too. Thank you for your comment.
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How painful! I agree with Allan!!!
great write.
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Ok so I brought tears to the eyes of two blokes today. My work here is done.
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Most often, we are our own worst enemy. You have brought this home here with gusto. Excellent!
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Thank you, Allan-of-the-Harp.
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