Subdued, we sit in silence
raising wind-bitten faces to
a horizon swallowed up in a
blaze of orange and pink.
Nylon rustles and scrapes as he shivers
against me. I run fingers lightly over
jutting joints and vertebrae,
the outline of slender ribs
awash in golden light.
Then the sky is still again.
"They are putting the horses in the stable now."
A solemn whisper.
"Yes."
"Tell the story again. About the boy with wax wings."
So I return to a beginning-
knotted stone and twisted fibre,
the elated confidence or, perhaps,
impulsiveness lured toward
rippling muscle and hoof and tossed mane,
the galloping forge leaving a mess
of scorched feather and melted wax,
flailing limbs.
His small shoulder worms out of the nook in my arm
and he is sprinting down the hill,
sprawling, arms tickled by grass, back heaving.
I wonder if the boy had the same raucous laugh,
the roiling and crashing of waves,
suspended
as he plummeted from the sky.
Author notes
not my usual style... a few points i'm still not sure about. i'd love any feedback, on any aspect of it - constructive criticism very welcome!
for those who may not recognize the references, "the boy with wax wings" refers to the myth of ikaros (alternately icarus), explained here far better than i could: http://www.island-ikaria.com/culture/myth.asp
(january 2008)
Comments
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Well done!
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I like the piece. However, I am not so sure about the extra slashes and such. It distracted me from an otherwise smooth read. Also, the font is a bit to light. I had to highlight it to read it. Still a good piece though.
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This ones great
So touching so deep. I love the metaphor of man and beast.Keep up the good work.
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Your wings are firm, you soar high and we all watch you dance with the clouds. Your words are the sunlight flashing and I find myself wishing I could fly too, but you are far above, a part of the sky, one with the wind.
This is excellent. This is the best poem I have read in a long, long time. It left me breathless and I had to remind myself to breathe again.
Yours is an incredible talent. I am in awe.
Garrison
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First of all, I would suggest darkening the text. It's hard to read without highlighting it, and that takes away from the poem.
Second, I love this. It's got a beautiful flow, and they way the quotations were worded with the / / worked. It's unusual, but it fit somehow.
I love the story of Ikarus and Daedalus, and this poem is interestingly tied to it.
The last two stanzas "I wonder..." through the last line- are my favorites in this piece.
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First of all, this is a beautiful piece, indeed
The beginning and ending were wonderful since the words written in them gave that serene feeling to the reader as if he/she was there to watch the scene and all ^^
Although, I'm confused with this part:
Then the sky is still again.
/They are putting the horses in the stable now./
A solemn whisper.
/Yes./
Is this some kind of conversation? Or dirty pretty? I can't make out of this and have a pretty hard time to suggest if you should remove it or make it clearer. Why suggest when you're not sure on what you're suggesting at, right?
Now how the story about Icarus was told in summary was excellent
Confusing at first, though so maybe you need to tweak it a bit or maybe I need to tweak my dysfunctional mind 
But yeah, I think it needs some tweaking . . .
. . . maybe tightening some of the stanzas would help the flow, too if necessary n.n
Well, all in all, it is one of the beautiful pieces with the reference of Icarus in it that I have ever read, all right
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ok so i read the myth--"galloping forge" captures the union of wax wing and sun. wow this poem made me sad. i guess it is devastating to think about the tragedies which we all inevitably suffer, but to which kids, for the time being, are oblivious and impervious. I think you meant "rolling," sews neatly into "raucous" and "crashing." the part that makes me wonder a bit is, how can he be suspended as he plummets? or maybe it's the way time freezes in a pivotal moment. anyways, enough babbling. cool poem.
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this definitely has a surrealist side to it. flashes of dream or reality or that place when you're sort of asleep but know you're talking out loud. the intentional lack of articles definitely gives it a compact and full feeling, like there's more to the story than what's being said. I was really caught by "back heaving"--i really pictured the glistening flanks. for some reason the link to the icarus myth didn't work, i think i'm gonna look it up now though. one of my favorite songs references it. i don;t think I can give any worthwhile interpretation of this piece, especially the ending, without knowing where it comes from. anyways, just keeping up the phone-tag style commenting! later
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Wondrous
I love the whole sense of this. And how the pale font suggests some mystery and perhaps a journey through clouds and beyond. There are so many good lines. The first two parts are perfect!
I like the mixing of Icarus and what I imagine is a very real child...one as a metaphor for the other.
I didn't understand the sense of the word "forge".
This is so good. I always look forward to reading your work. It is always good but rarely the same.
Thankyou for sharing.
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WHOA!
I have to be perfectly honest and admit that you caught me completely off guard. This caliber of writing was not at all what I expected to see, and I am stunned, awed, no... humbled... by your exquisite talent.
This was just amazing.
What aren't you sure about? I was quite certain about all of it!
I, like Jessica, wish you wrote more too!
I'm going to have to go back and read all of your poems... and add you as a favorite!!!
Amazing write!
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I wish you wrote more. This is pretty amazing. The second time I see a mention of Icarus in a poem. Strange. But yeah, I enjoyed it! I have no criticism except like BellaD mentioned- the font color.
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Beautiful poem!
I love the sensory detail in this poem and the tender narrative style. Some favorite lines:Subdued, we sit in silence
raising wind-bitten faces to
horizon swallowed up in a
blaze of orange and pink.
His small shoulder worms out of the nook in my arm
and he is sprinting down the hill,
sprawling, arms tickled by grass, back heaving
Makes the reader experience the poem!
Love the final stanza, too.
One pet peeve: It is hard to read blue font on a blue and white background.
The poem is gorgeous.
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