Tis a deadly fine wine I choose to drink
crushed from my grapes of vicious hate
as I taste bitter on my tongue, I think.
"This woman's fury begins to abate."
I sip another taste, Burgundy red
as blood drips slowly, dropping from lips
As the poison refreshes, I feel dread.
I have been overcome and total fear grips.
I know now, "Wrath has won and all is lost."
I cry out, pain, sanity regained
That swords with you I have crossed
Is violence better left, abstained.
Her seduction has coursed, left blood bath.
It was mistake, I took Wrath's final path.
Author notes
Wished I had participated in the other deadly sins. This is getting to be fun.
A contest entry
- The Rubescent Welts Of Wrath by DayDreamMuse.
1500 points, ended March 25, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Criticize freely, I need input to improve
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Love the dark bite to this! (or should I say 'the poisoness sip of wrath'?)
great wording and images. Read nicely. I especially liked,
'Tis a deadly fine wine I choose to drink
crushed from my grapes of vicious hate
as I taste bitter on my tongue, I think.
"This woman's fury begins to abate."
Well done! Most enjoyable read.
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it would be neat too to have a contest on wine
I enjoyed the tone and flow of this piece, tho to me it feels like it could be taken farther i think it would be neat if you described the seduction or delicious fears
and use wine terms such as tanon(not sure if thats spelled right, its the bitter flavor that comes from the seeds) and i think if you use wine and vines and intoxication to describe how wrath seduces and corrupts like a succubus and how sight, touch , sound and taste changes like in the disease rabies but in this case it will me wrath/rage, oo! and maybe use the idea of swords and tongue/taste/starvation/thirst, and mingle with those, because doesnt wrath look like a weapon with a living and unending thirst? and cant weapons be sensual just like women and women or love can be like vines and wine? @.@ ?.? hmm maybe.. ooo a love story between wrath and a person that becomes mass murderer because of wrath XDD 0.0 XXXDD
well maybe i am just rambling
but this piece inspired me, ^-^ i dont feel like i have a writers frost bitten fingers WOOT!
thank you ^--^ XDD thank you!
-Kas K Bubbles
peace in chaos out
a balance of both
p.s: thank you for the comments and the invites i will get back to writing ^-^
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I like this very much.
I sip another tasteful, Burgundy red
And blood drops, slowly dropping from lips
As the poison refreshes, I feel the dread.
Have become fearful of those charming trips.'
Hope you like this.
Just a try. You can redo the rest if you like. -
Great choice in sharing...thank you
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I like it, the flow is very good and very intense. keep writing
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This felt like a sonnet. I don't really know forms. I liked the feel to this, very vengeful. I liked it. Luv sweetness
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Thank your for kind words
It's nice to get a critique that makes you feel warm and fuzzy. I'm a happy furball after that one. Your seven deadly sins are a hit with me. Too bad,
I missed the first four. Thank you, for the fun -
Oh that's a lovely sonnet and even done in the whole authentic vibe of the Shapespearian time. Very nice!
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when seeking solace in liquid spirits anger, and revenge quickly become the ruler leaving in it's wake remorse of things done and not done.
An easy to relate reminder of a past left in the past
Joe
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I think we have similar histories
Thanks for checking this out. It's one of my 'dark' favorites
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Wow a perfect example of wrath. You are right, these contests are fun. This has angry vibes burning through, some nice imagery there to. A wonderful piece, perfect for this contest. Good luck with it
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Thanks Lady
for the wonderful support you give my work. Your kind words bring a smile to my lips. Be my muse, O dark one for my poetry rises to greater heights from knowing yours.
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