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Hell Hath No Fury (A Crime of Passion in Three Sonnets)

Sonnet 1 - Betrayal

 

 

Hypnotised; I watched as they made love.

My lover taking his slut for a ride.

Small and slight; moulded to him as a glove,

Her squeals of love as he pushed deep inside.

 

 

My lover speaks; such words of tenderness,

Not for my ears or eyes their act of lust.

He destroys me with every fond caress.

My heart is broken by each gasping thrust.

 

 

Recalling his cock penetrating me,

‘I love you, mind, body and soul,’ he said.

The feel of his lip on my breast, set free.

No longer mine to hold, our love is dead.

 

 

Lustful embrace, my mind is in confusion,

Intruding this, a love’s sweet illusion.

 

 

Sonnet 2 - Vengeance

 

 

My lover’s eyes are gazing without sight.

If only mine could be so blind as his.

Their bodies writhing; passionate their flight.

I know how full of promise is his kiss.

 

 

My temper lost; if fury is a sin,

Driven by love to this: a hateful deed.

Desires gasps, frenzied sighs, rhythm within,

Another time, casually spill his seed.

 

 

Mercy plea, to stop this ceaseless torture!

You left me no choice; I had to do it!

Your nights of lust, you kill me playing her.

Did you feel it as you lay suckling tit,

 

 

The glinting blade driven through flesh to bed?

You cannot hurt me now! You both are dead!

 

 

Sonnet 3 - Aftermath

 

 

United in their death, the lovers lie,

Their blood seeping as wine on to my sheets.

My lover remember, how we did fly,

Youthful, pure lusting trysts in dark, back streets.

 

 

My mind with you as I drink poison’s cup,

My last memory as I wait my end.

That night, my virginity you did sup.

Persuading me to meet your sex, head bend.

 

 

Laying me face downward, cross our love bed,

Innocence lost as twice you entered me.

Ignoring cries as I, a virgin bled,

My lover, you sacrificed all of me.

 

 

Last breath comes, images fade now so fast,

My heart with love, always yours till the last.

 

 

Author notes

Now judging is over I can put on the background made for this piece by my fellow gothic queen Sash, taken from the original art work of Avi Das whose picture I used to focus my mind in to the setting.

 

Task: Write a sonnet or villanelle form story using love and jealousy as your subject.

 

Concept: Avenging the betrayal of a lover.

 

Style: Dark, Gothic Erotica, Horror.

 

Form: Sonnet (Iambic pentameter. A Shakespearean sonnet has three quatrains and a couplet, and rhymes abab cdcd efef gg.) I have used a Trochaic substitution in lines 9, 23, and 37 to add interest to the rhythm and to bring those words out a little.

 

Outline:

Sonnet 1: The act of betrayal. Lead character sees her lover in bed with his other girlfriend.

Sonnet 2: The act of vengeance. The torment of emotion that leads her to commit a double murder.

Sonnet 3: The aftermath. Lead character commits suicide by drinking poison. Her last memory as she waits to die.

 

The poet, no that should be bard, I have taken inspiration from is my team captain, cricketJeff, mainly for his inspired use of poetic form, especially his wonderful sonnets that have given me much pleasure over the last few weeks. It is Jeff that has given me the push to write in sonnet form so to him the dedication and thanks.

 

Some links to some of Jeff’s sonnets:

Flinty , An Orange Anniversary , Two Ladies, One Idea , and finally the one that finally kicked me into writing this piece as sonnets and therefore the one I guess is the inspiration How I Write a Sonnet . Well Cap’n, I hope I have come half as close my friend… THANK YOU XXX

There are two other people that deserve mention, Ktulu; your darker writes have inspired me to take this to Gothic Erotica rather than the usual so thank you for that. Tattboyspet, your images have brought my darker side out which this piece needed, thank you.

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Comments

1 - 30 of 30

  • TabbyCat
    April 10, 2008

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    Wow. This was really powerful. Sad. Driven by enraged jealousy. Not a bad write, even though it is quite startling in its raw intensity. Thanks for entering my contest.


    • Corvus Corone
      April 11, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you. Knee jerk reactions are intense and raw and thank you I am glad I managed to get that across.


  • LadyDementia gold member
    April 5, 2008

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    Wow I canny piece together a single sonnet! This is outstanding, all powerful pieces that slot so well together. Superbly penned. All the best in the contest with it

    • Corvus Corone
      April 5, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you, these are my first three sonnets and no it wasn't easy fitting the form to the story. I so love the form I had to try.


  • Synthetic-Nightmare
    April 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    *claps*

    well done and well constructed!
    i like your writing style and choice of words in this piece,
    this is a very emotionally driven write, kudos
    and thanks for your entry


    • Corvus Corone
      April 1, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much, must admit it was great to write, challenging but thrilling.


  • cricketjeff gold member
    March 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I never dispute with judges and certainly not Chantell but I disagree here. It is very very tough to write rhyming well formed hard-core without any vulgarity. She was right about my poem, wrong here, but that is just my opinion of course. I cannot pick between the top three, and your were sonnets so guess where I would have gone!

    • Corvus Corone
      March 11, 2008
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      Hugsss I didnt disagree just wanted her to tell me where and thankfully two words got caught before it hit the examiners board. Cap'n I have gained something worth more than a trophy... a real good friend and mentor in you and that is something I hope will continue xxxx I know the genre of this piece isn't your cup of PG Tips hun but it will always be dedicated to you.


  • Tattboyspet
    March 10, 2008
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    spelling and grammar = 20
    presentation = 20
    originality = 20
    'grab me' effect = 19
    overall = 19
    TOTAL = 98/100

    I do apologize, but I'm afraid the use of the vulgarity in the first stanza put me off a bit
    Other than that it was a perfect write - well done!
    Jeff definitely outdoes himself with his use of sonnets and his rhyming is always superb - strangely I can see his way of writing in this one of yours (heading all three would DEFINITELY be something that Jeff would do )
    You have done his writing justice and I am certain that he is proud to be the inspiration for this one


    • Corvus Corone
      March 10, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Vulgarity? Where?


      • Tattboyspet
        March 10, 2008
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        your use of the word 'cock' in the beginning of the third stanza ... I'm really sorry

        • Corvus Corone
          March 10, 2008
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          OK seems both first and third need a rewrite then as I am trying to avoid any of that as this is an exam piece too. This is proving to be a nightmare

          • Tattboyspet
            March 10, 2008
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            but you cannot tell me that you are not enjoying it! it's pushing you and from what I can tell about you - you LOVE being challenged


            • Corvus Corone
              March 10, 2008
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              in all honesty could cheerfully trash this piece I hate it now, and after today will never read it again

              • Tattboyspet
                March 10, 2008
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                STOP - it works DAMN well ... stop looking at it through your eyes and read it with a fresh mind ... there is NOTHING wrong with it and I am certain that your examiner will appreciate it as well so STOP BASHING IT!!!!

                • Corvus Corone
                  March 10, 2008
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                  I have, its handed in, gone, out of my control, I'm going home to bed had no sleep all weekend cos of my nerves, I need this pass too much.

                  • Tattboyspet
                    March 10, 2008

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                    Poetry is supposed to come from the poet's heart Jem, not from what OTHER's think it should read ... I think that you have done an exceptional job here - I wouldn't go near a sonnet even if I was offered money!
                    so ... breathe and relax and KNOW that you are one of the best poets that I have the pleasure of reading

                    • Corvus Corone
                      March 10, 2008

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                      I know but for once I conform to examiners whim so I get an A* not a fail. As crap as it reads now it is for the pass. And thanks Chantell I need that boost right now hugs.


  • Master Ktulu silver member
    March 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is absolutely amazing. I think that you have displayed a very strong entry as well as a piece that symbolizes how you look up to your captain...

    Excellent job!

    spelling/grammar - 20
    presentation - 20
    originality - 20
    how well you handled challenge - 20
    overall - 20
    _____________________________

    Total -100

    **Master Ktulu**

    • Corvus Corone
      March 9, 2008
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      Thank you Bro. Jeff is not so much an adversary as a guide and mentor to me as well as I hope a very good friend. Have to say its good to be back in the dark too.


  • The Poetic Angel
    March 8, 2008

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    wow Jems m'Lady You have done a great job wif Your first Sonnet ... im so proud of You its fantastik... good luck in the challange
    loves you

    xxx Your angel xxx


  • tanzanite
    March 7, 2008

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    This was spectacular. I thought you could have replaced "bend" with bent" as it would also have rhymed. This is marvellous work though. Well well done on this fantastic piece of work.

    • Corvus Corone
      March 8, 2008
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      I toyed with both bend and bent as you say they both fit the rhyme but went with bend as I felt it brought the memory to the present which I imagine it would feel like in that situation.


  • shimmer
    March 7, 2008

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    i am speechless. i never expected to be reading something dark in this round and wow, you did an amazing job here. i'm impressed.

    spelling and grammar=20
    presentation=20
    originality=20
    how well you handled the challenge=20
    overall=20

    total=100

    • Corvus Corone
      March 8, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      My natural genre is dark horror writing so I felt to give you the best of me as I was using form for the first time I had to keep in my comfort zone for genre. Thank you for your comment and score.


  • Sylvyrwyng gold member
    March 7, 2008

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    Fantastic work!!!!! beyond description and wonderfully put. You could not have picked a better poet to inspire you! Congrats on a fantastic piece of work


    • Corvus Corone
      March 8, 2008
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      Jeff has melted my dark heart with his sonnets, forget flowers and chocolates pen me a sonnet and I am jelly.


  • PassionsPromise gold member
    March 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Good lord, I know Jeff as a loving and caring person and sexually heated my lord when i seen this my eyes squinted and my heart ran off somewhere, in which i have to find later thanks to you. These are wonderfully penned sonnets. I am very pleased with them. NOw to the scorng:

    spelling and grammar=20
    originality=20
    how well you handled the challenge=20
    presentation=20
    overall=20

    total=100

    Worthy of much more the effort in this was worth the hundred itself. Great job and best of luck to you.

    Passions

    • Corvus Corone
      March 8, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Jeff is all you say and much more, so I felt he deserved the best of me and that is my darker writing, sorry for the shock to your heart I hope you found it ok.

      Also by keeping to my natural genre it helped me work the form of a sonnet as that is a totally new ball park for a prose writer such as me. The real inspiration is Jeff's magic with sonnets, maybe one day I can write a nice one!

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