Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

A New Start

When the love of life
Breaks you down
And you feel as though
You might drown

In the pain of your heart
In the hell of your life
Do not give it up
Don't give in to strife

Let your wings take flight
Let life be a light
Let the pulse of your heart
Be the a brave new start

There were others before you
Who thoght they might die
Because someone has hurt them
And made their hearts cry

But here I am
A living testament
To the healing and survival
Of pain's investment

You can get through this
Only if you try
Because take a look at me
I almost died

From a year of cutting
And my dad's addictions
My mom's coldness
Emotional restrictions

I let it all fly
With paper and pen
And learned to just trust
Let others in

So no matter if someone
Has crushed your heart
Be it family of lover
Take a leap at a start

I made it out
I am okay
Remember its painful
But look for the light of day

A contest entry

U can get thru this I kno u can

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

  • riley
    March 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "Let your wings take flight
    Let life be a light"

    Pretty sure that's a cliche.

    "In the pain of your heart
    In the hell of your life"

    I'm tempted to call this a cliche as well, except it strikes me with a ring of truth for the experience, so I'm not sure if it is or isn't.

    All very well said, but less cliches would definitely make it better. I'm actually not sure if these are cliches or not - they just sound a bit forced, as if you're trying too hard to rhyme here. That's actually a better description than cliches really. I have nothing against rhyming poetry, I'm horrible at it, but I have great respect for those who can do it well, but this just sounds forced.

    However, I do want to say this: I particularly like these two stanzas here:

    "I let it all fly
    With paper and pen
    And learned to just trust
    Let others in

    So no matter if someone
    Has crushed your heart
    Be it family of lover
    Take a leap at a start"

    That's definitely what I was looking for in this contest. Very good effort here, but I just think it looks like you were trying too hard to rhyme.