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Friday with Jack

 

 

 

I asked for forgiveness

slaked my body with rain water

and washed the aches down

with some warm Jack

two/three/four fingers

and two cubes of ice

 

crumpled lungs tightly bound

my diaphragm repeats time with a thousand swallows

flaying against each rib

 

in the centre

bone and marrow remember love

how strong it survives

 

making body paint

with quiet shadow hands

patterns of a heart unfolding

to the winged skies

 

seen as an unbled spleen

filled with red corpuscles

upon feather and wing

the wind plays on

 

why does it always rain in Manchester

 

but there is mercy

for I know I have loved

 

 

for it  is laid inside obsidian nights

to be there with quietude

integrity comes in the shape

of a friend's hand

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • Jonathan Wikkins silver member
    March 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    awesome piece here gill!

    "I asked for forgiveness

    slaked my body with rain water

    and washed the aches down

    with some warm Jack

    two/three/four fingers

    and two cubes of ice"

    really sets the tone for the entire piece!

    mike

  • zara
    March 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "a thousand swallows flaying against each rib" - what a great image; I can feel it.

    I've been bad, haven't visited in a long time; I flay myself.


    for you






  • Namita
    March 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The rain, rain - I just realised how important the rain is to some people, including me.

    Another beautiful poem from your poetrypen... a heartfelt rain poem.

    - namita


  • scream.n2.nite
    March 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    quietude

    Wonderful job Nurse Chilly!!! I loves this piece! The style and vocabulary was creative and I loved the theme... feel like I could have been there a few times, but painful love can do that right?? Again, great work my deary!! Keep it up...

    - - riah - -


  • Grunts Girl gold member
    March 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    something deep this way runs

    I have to agree...
    more internal than some of your others

    I feel like i am spying


  • DogFish silver member
    March 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    ...I can feel the cold dark rain.

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    March 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Outstanding

    I enjoyed, appreciated and was in awe of this day in the book of days, I read it four times, it is interlaced with so many fine facets that the only justice I may do is to say it's outstanding, a veritable pleasure to peruse time and again and absorb all the finely tuned tangents.


  • Peteskid gold member
    March 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wonderful, so much of a sharing, like sitting with a friend sharing the fates and feelings that fill our days...excellent...PK


  • misselaineous
    March 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply


  • Wandika gold member
    March 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    You know what I would say

    Right, another chapter.
    This is a bit different, more internal than external than you typically write. More of some inner pent up sadness. I know because I have some hidden chapters of my own.
    Excellent Gil. Rest and keep your chin up.

    Jim


  • Nicolette gold member
    March 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    "but there is mercy
    for I know I have loved"


    and that dear, Gilly, says it all. We have talked about this so often...you know i know...nothing more needs to be said...



    perhaps only this, i agree with Guy... you are a talented writer with a big heart of love.

    ~ Nicolette





  • Grimoire
    March 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    nicely written with strong diction and some amazing metaphors

  • grm
    March 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i am always amazed anew with how great of a writer you are, Gilly.
    this is superb...forlorn, perhaps, poignant, yet with a sense of hope for better days






1 - 13 of 13