Obese blue jays' and
fire engine red cardinal's
fighting over octagon
shaped, stale, oyster crackers.
Matchstick trees lined
with ebon,liposuction
candidate blackbirds as
in the Alfdred Hitchcock's famous,
The Birds flick.
Billowing snowflakes fall from grace
as glitter out of heaven's discotheque
Zero visability due to howling, constant,
wet snow, sticking to everything, as if
an ogre size bottle of Elmer's Glue, has
lain on the cold ground without it's lid,
drained to the max, adhering my world once again,
It's been a long road.
Please, Ole Man Winter, clock out of
your shift,
let chubby Robin's ole friend, Spring,
take over until her shift comes to an end.
Then Sol shall have all the overtime,
until we must fall back again.
Author notes
Just sitting here, watching it snow, and snow, and snow. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LOL
3/7/2008
*****************POETDONTKNOWIT*******************
A contest entry
- Poetic challenge: A New Beginning!!! by luckynsincere.
525 points, ended March 25, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
"chubby Robins" ole friend? What a great turn of phrase! Very hectic, desperate tone i got from this. U must really dislike winter or at least did at the time. How spontaneously expressive.
-
Obese Blue Jays Indeed!
Bacon fat, bird seed, stale popcorn, stale chedar cheese and peanut butter mixed together makes a great winter feed for those birds you think are too fat. Their feathers are just puffed out to maintain a layer of warm air cause they're cold, you housebound ninny!
If you are bored by the snow [its 110 degrees here, mate!], then get off your duff, and get outdoors and feed the birds, and squirrels, and chipmonks, and racoons, and field mice, and voles, and owls, and wild geese, and deer, and foxes; and anything else you happen to find when you spend all day outside in the real world!
-
Hi! First of all thanks so much for your interest in this challenge. It will be a lot of hard work thoughout. I only ask that you respond to this comment to let me know that you are willing to stick it out until the end or until youre eliminated.
I see that you have some talent, and I truly am anxious to see more of it!
In the closig message of this contest. there will be a link left... it is to a group... you are required to join to continue in the challenge. THis is so you will be able to keep up with the challenges, and get grabs at the "extra bonus mini rounds" that will be offered throughout.
Also, please let me know if you have any questions or concerns.
Sincerely,
Mel
-
Hi there ~
Welcome to the Poetic Challenge contest ~
A very pretty entry...lots of wonderful imagery to make me stop and absorb all you were showing ~
Space after *ebon
Flow is fine after the second read......not fond of the Title, but that's just my opinion ~
Lines are jagged....and IMO, it destroys some of the Flow.....but after the second read, it's better ~
If this is your style, then I can relate, but I must warn you, the Rounds will be full of new ideas for each Round......so just remember to dig deeper ~
If you were to write this stryle in a Round, it would not be getting very high scores.....only, because I would expect something with more power and impact with lasting impression......and that is what I loook for....but your Theme is a weeee bit on the soft side of something more original and forgetting ~
....so just dig a lot deeper and let me see the resl power of your quill.......oh, and loved your Tone......great insight to your topic.....and one I wish I could see.....as in southern CA it doesn't snow unless you got 50 miles inland to the mountains :)
I can see talent in your quill.....good luck to you,
Bear ~
Your score will be sent to Melanie, your Host -
-
I love winter...yet it is wonderful when spring arrives then giving way to summer then fall..then my favorite winter...lovely words of the season..good luck with the contest
-
this is nicely written and the metaphor is interesting and creative. It also captures the essence of a moment nicely.
-
It could not have been put any better!!!!!!!!!!!! Each word professes the truth!!!!! Although, I love winter, I could do without the snow..... This year we in Maryland have been blessed.... NOT MUCH SNOW, AT ALL!!!!! THANK GOD!!!!!! So unlike the winters I spend in New Jersey when I was young!!!!! Maryland and Louisiana's winters are not so bad!!!! Although, Louisiana is becoming more like Maryland or vise versa..... or maybe I don't stay in one place long enough to see the differences!!!!! What every!!!!! I loved this Master piece in words!!!! Keep up the good work and I'll keep reading!!!!! I haven't felt my best lately, but I feel good today!!! How have you been???? It's been a long time since our last chat!!
-
Yes, I think we are all ready for the snow to go and spring to arrive. It has been a long winter, cold, lots of snow and makes us antsy for sure. So many things mentioned in this poem - takes us to places other than winter's view. Think we need a new beginning - spring.
-
lol
This poem was great! But I love winter (=
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
