It's been said the truth will set you free
But for me I find that somewhat hard to believe
I've told my story, I've told my part
Still everything around me conatantly falls apart
So I fall to my knees and begin to pray
Hoping to God the right words I will say
This is more than passion this is more than love
This is more than the starts in heaven above
I told you no more, I'm done with the lies
Can you not see the tears pouring from my eyes
I'm tired of secrets, I'm speaking to you
I just want you to know that this one is true
Brooklyn I beg please just listen to this
Or can you not hear me scream through the abyss
Just hear me out I want us to talk
After we are done then you can mock
I'm on my knees I cant get any lower
Please please Brooklyn I dont want this to be over
I'll do do anything you ask I promise, I swear
God knows that your my only care
You need to believe that its going to be different
God Brooklyn please I believe your heaven sent
If you could just see what I mean
I'm still here gripping to your ring
I know I was wrong, But all i can do is wait
For you the one holding my hopelsly lost fate
I'm waiting on you and your warm embrace
Till then I guess I'm out of this horrible love race
Brooklyn this poem is personal in case you cant tell
You still haven't even responded to my mail
Please Brooklyn I swear I'm trying to make things right
Please Brooklyn I'm done with the fights
All I ask before you make your choice
That you will listen and hear my sad sweet voice
A contest entry
- OPTIONS! 8 OF THEM!!! by liduen.
600 points, ended March 21, 2008, 53 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~♥~ Hopeless Romantics and Other Sad Love Poems ~♥~ by Shassidy.
525 points, ended April 21, 2008, 67 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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*speechless....
I love reading this poem . thankful Im that girl
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great poem...really sad though...but I can tell its from your heart..the most wonderful place to find inspiration for poems! a really wonderful write though, one question, just trying to help..but maybe I'm just being a pain lol in this line "This is more than the starts in heaven above" did you mean stars instead of starts? either way, amamzing job and good luck in all of your contests
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This is a really great piece! I really like the emotion that comes through in this, it makes the piece powerful. Most of the rhyming was good, but some of it seemed a little forced and threw off the flow a bit. Also, I think there could be a bit more punctuation in this that would have made it more powerful, such as a "?" in the lines "Can you not see the tears pouring from my eyes" and "Or can you not hear me scream through the abyss". Anyway, this is a really powerful piece because of the emotion, as I said, and I think that comes through especially well in lines 7, 9, 10, 13, 17, 18, 29, and 31-34. The title is also great because it is not overused or clichéd and it reflects the poem well. Great job and good luck in the contest!
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*teardrop* That so sad. *teardrop* (Not really teardrop, but I hope whatever you wrote this for gets better.)
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WOW! Amazing, powerful write. Nice, natural rhyming and good flow. The only problem is that you need to put the option number in the authors notes. Please do so :
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Wonderful, just wonderful.
I could feel the pain as I was reading this.
I like how this poem starts out slow and then
by the middle it's gets right to the point.
I loved it!
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Beautiful sentiments. I did see a lot of typos though, but it's very understandable in such desperation!
Men like you are rare and, because of that, if this should fail... you WILL end up with someone wonderful.
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Great
This is amazing...If she hasnt read this yet then she needs to
This is such well done :]
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very personal and touching, has she seen this? it conveys desperaton and anxiety very well, i like how the flow feels more erratic and faster towards the end of the poem, like you are having a rant.
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