Sudden wave of smile
Washes off footprints of pain-
Tears dried away
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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A smile can do wonders..a beautiful haiku...
perhaps you should use dry' away instead of the past tense just to keep the tense of the entire haiku on one side....
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Sudden wave of smile
Washes off footprints of pain-
Tears dried away
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Perhaps you didn't notice the last line of this haiku does not function as a verb. It functions as a noun. "Tears dried away" denote "the footprints" of pain. It suggests the stains of "tears dried away"!!
I am sure you'll get it in the light it is penned.
Best,
Sophie.
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All clearer now..Thank you for pointing it out....
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Thanks for your sincere feedback. I appreciate it!
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Love it. I adore it when people manage to put so much feeling into their haiku, because I always fail miserably!
This is brilliant, but there isn't anything to critique. There isn't even "enough" for me to pick out a favourite part! (Though it would have to be the last line which, bizarrely, is the most powerful for me personally.
This is a fantastic write, a really, really excellent piece!
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I like the thought of the wave washing the pain away! Very well written poet! Bravo!
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Thanx for appreciation.................smile in blues!!
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Great metaphor. A well written haiku. I enjoyed the read very much. "Sudden wave of smile" is my favorite line.
Kelli -
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Thanx for appreciation........... smile in blues
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