Little pinpricks of cold
seeping through the cracks in my mind.
I hammer desperately at the cramps within,
as numbness sighs like Winter’s waking breath.
It stretches it’s wings in a blanket of ice,
consuming me, freezing me with it’s touch.
And so I weep unseen…
Voices rage in a maelstrom of thoughts,
awakening the darkness once more.
Must it always be this way?
Always seeing, yet an empty shell in it’s shadow cast.
Paralysis creeps through my cranium
like a dormant assassin, unseen, unfelt,
yet always so devastating.
I’m so alone, bestowed as I am
with these accursed demons.
I’m losing my mind,
Piece by piece, fragment by fragment,
It drains away into a void of self loathing and despair.
If I should mourn my loss of self,
Then I weep for who I was… or who I should be…
…Or who I could be…
Help me……………
Author notes
Not one of my better pieces, but it did make me feel better writing it.
Additional(8/1/08): This piece has grown on me...
In a list
A contest entry
- Tell Me of Your Misery by thedarkestjolly.
315 points, ended May 6, 2008, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Twist Me. Seduce Me. Entice Me. by SheWasPreternatural.
900 points, ended December 4, 2008, 29 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Kyo-N's First AP Anniversary by Kyo-N.
5000 points, ended December 21, 2008, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Freedom, come to me! - - - (Depressive/Sad/Dark) by Ebbing.X.Discreetly.
700 points, ended December 28, 2008, 57 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - .:. Take My Breath Away .:. by DecorusApparatus.
1400 points, ended April 14, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - darkside by emoempess.
700 points, ended May 16, 201 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Frozen Sadness - xx by The Hardest Goodbye.
900 points, ended May 5, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me Emotion by ley527.
600 points, ended May 9, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark writes contest!!!! Check it out by AngelsKissesJenna.
450 points, ended May 17, 71 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Windows and doors. by infinite spirit.
650 points, ended August 16, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - D - A - R - K by skilter.
877 points, ended September 13, 101 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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excellent write, enjoyed the imagery here! thank you for entering!
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Imagery/10
Style/30
background/30
Prompt used/40
Prewrite/10
fresh write/
So much emotion in it. I was abe to feel this pain in it. Great write.
Fave part: Voices rage in a maelstrom of thoughts,
awakening the darkness once more.
Must it always be this way?
Always seeing, yet an empty shell in it’s shadow cast.
Paralysis creeps through my cranium
like a dormant assassin, unseen, unfelt,
yet always so devastating.
-
Wow
I absolutely love this piece. The way you craft the words is beautiful, and It really made me feel. I havent read a poem that I've liked as much as this one in a long time. Good luck and thank you for entering
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I’m so alone, bestowed as I am
with these accursed demons.
I’m losing my mind,
Piece by piece, fragment by fragment,
It drains away into a void of self loathing and despair.
That was my favorite part, although the whole thing was incredible, thanks for entering it in my contest, good luck and best wishes. -
Wow...
Deep with emotion
Every peice I read from you
is excellent!!
Thanks for the share
Darky
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Mmmm yes I can se why this has won trophies in other contests. It's well written and the language is very descriptive.
Thank you for entering this ino my contest.
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Not very much to say about this poem. Good, good. I like the topic, and the way you used free verse along with metaphors to define a mental condition that happens to be dangerous for both ends of the spectrum.
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I'm glad you say that this piece has grown on you, as it is a spectacular write. Once again, the language you use, and the overall feel to the piece has left me in awe. Such vivid and powerful emotion comes from these words. Those end lines are just amazing, so emotional and poignant. Well deserving of the gold.
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I was left in awe
I really dont know how to put this into words. This poem was EXACTLY what i was looking for and i am awestruck by both the beauty and the sorrow in it or i should say the beauty of the sorrow. outstanding job! -T -
Beautifully Morbid.
You describe emotins so well and with such amazing and vivid imagery, i'm left in awe.
I'm not usually a fan of darker writes, but this wills me to read more.
I love the lines :
I hammer desperately at the cramps within,
as numbness sighs like Winter’s waking breath.
Amazing.
ElectricBoom -
LOVE IT!
i've had soo many entried that just say:
"i've cut myself, blah, blah,blah"
but i'm so ecstatic that i've finally found something with substantial depth!!
you have no idea how refreshing it is!! -
A great poem you have written.
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Definitely the downside of the solitary life. I go through some of this myself sometimes and I feel badly for anyone else who experiences it.
Just one point of grammar. It should be "its", not "it's"
Thank you for entering my contest. -
Wow
That was really good. I could see and feel everything, amazing imagery, and metaphors. Good job. -
Insane
This poem I found to be really intense. You were able to feel everything just from your wonderful use of adjectives, imagery, and metaphors. Absolutely beautiful. Great write and good luck in the contest
~*~Suicide Blonde
**** -
Very emotional, easy to feel. Great write and good luck in the contest. Thank you so much for entering
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What a beautiful piece, this really touched my heart, a very powerful and dark write.
I love the metaphors within this;
'I hammer desperately at the cramps within,
as numbness sighs like Winter’s waking breath.'
This really kept me on the edge, and the way you finish it with such power;
'Help me.....'
This took my breathe away.
Thanks for entering and Good luck
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wow.. this is the best entry i have read so far thanks for entering, great write, very dark
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i think this is a great peace wiel reading i t i was eatimg a peace of home made bread and littlerly stoped chewing and was totaly in to your work i will defintly take a nother look at your work befor i judge
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jaded teardrop
this is a good poem, and congradulations on your trophy winning... this poem creates a vivid imagery adn is very exxpresive, good job and keep writing... -
a really wonderful piece......you write amazingly well....good luck in other contest and congrads for the win
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Congratulations on the trophy. This is a really good poem. Even though this isn't one of your better works, I still enjoyed it.
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That was really good. It was interesting. Good luck ont he contest!
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***
I liked it, it was interesting and actually kept me reading all the way through thx for entering good luck! -
oh wow
i am breathless...its so beautiful
good job and goodluck
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a very interesting read, it took me a few reads through to fully grasp (or at least I assume I grasp it). Well done.
Rory
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Well I think.
I think that you indeed wrote a very sad and deeply felt piece. You express yourself very well in this. I find this to be sort of what the people with dementia go through. -
I think this is superbly penned, so I disagree with you there
You have really expressed deep sorrow and despair here, such a sad piece. Yet you have written it beautifully
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Transcend All
I'm at a loss of words, which never happens that much any more. The depth of pain the tears quietly laid are so touching and painful. I felt I should take your hand and let you squeeze until the pain transferred to me. But who are we without our pain, without our journey? I know I wish mine away every day, i know it's changed me, it changes us all. I wish you the best, I wish you relief and I offer a listening ear when ever your in need.
Namaste'
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this got to me it was really sad and down but none the less it was a ggod write good work here sweetie keep ti up!
endless -
OMG - This was so very sad. Wow, I could really feel your pain and loneliness. What it must be like feel like one is losing touch with oneself piece by piece. I have felt a likening to this when fragments of myself broke off for my self-preservation. I get glimpses of them once in a while, and want them back, but am I ready for the pain that may accompany that. I hope so. That is part of the healing process. Your poem really got to me. Very well written and it made my heart cry tears for you and the lost fragments of myself too.
This is what a good write does - it gets a reaction, and you certainly did from me. Thank you for sharing. I hope that you don't really feel as badly as this poem portrays.
The title is very telling, and the ending says so much, which can be true of us all;
"Piece by piece, fragment by fragment,
It drains away into a void of self loathing and despair.
If I should mourn my loss of self,
Then I weep for who I was… or who I should be…
…Or who I could be…
Help me……………"
Life does that to us! Don't give up though. Fight for your self and your integrity!
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Wow I can so relate! My demons from my past never stop haunting me, I can never escape them no matter how hard I try. I am sorry for your pain. What an amazing write so full of vivid imagery and emotion. Keep up the amazing writng. If you ever need to talk I am here Theresa
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I’m so alone, bestowed as I am
with these accursed demons.
I’m losing my mind,
Piece by piece, fragment by fragment,
It drains away into a void of self loathing and despair.
If I should mourn my loss of self,
Then I weep for who I was… or who I should be…
this describes my life as of now, the demons inside me define my sole, as if my life were the ocean, each day would be a wave, coming ashore i would twist and turn as if i were in a washing machine...... that is my life as of today. never the same as before, yet nothing like it should be. complicated.
great write by the way, you continue to amaze me.
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Very Good!
You have managed to give this piece a nice level of d delusion and despair. Which is never the easiest thing to pull off...
Well Done.
All the best,
~T.S~
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I have to disagree-This is one of your better writes!
Layer upon layer of raw emotion-
every line told a story - a story that could stand on it's own.
Absolutely amazing!
Bravo!
~Pastel -
I have to disagree-This is one of your better writes!
Layer upon layer of raw emotion-
every line told a story - a story that could stand on it's own.
Absolutely amazing!
Bravo!
~Pastel
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Encourage and nurture the desire for all things earthly. Invite your soul to be driven by demons and endeavour to make your self destruction as completely thorough as possible.
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