Sometimes I find myself in a state of thought
The troubles I've faced, the battles I've fought
And sometimes I can't help but think
Is this all that's really meant for me?
An hour of darkness for seconds of light
A broken heart can't chase away night
My dreams stand in front of me, close yet far away
If I will ever reach them, I wish I could say
I don't know where I am going anymore
I'm still searching for that cause to fight for
I don't know how I got this way but I know I don't belong
There won't be a place for me until I am gone
An hour of darkness for seconds of light
A broken heart can't chase away night
Comments
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I like the use of near rhyme in the first stanza. You've really grown as a writer. Some of the thoughts don't seem to connect to eachother, which is good for a poem like this. It's kinda' like a notebook entry rather than an epic poem.
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Thought Provoking.
This piece makes one stop and think, as well as go back and re-read just so that they can be sure of what was spoken with in the lines. Unique and yet very powerful with the way it has been penned. Almost as if you have opened a window for passer-byers to be able to catch a glimps of what it is you see; thus making it reality.
The only suggestion I can make is to point out lines 3 and 4 where you wrote:
And sometimes I can't help but think
Is this all that's really meant for me?Think and me do not rhyme and thus this throughs off the piece for it disrups the smooth flow. I would suggest changing this, but it is only a suggestion.
On a side note I would just like to say that I noticed you clicked on my Critical review featured poem of "Seven (Adults Only!!!) yet did not leave a comment. I figured that you were shy and thus I am stopping by and leaving you a comment so that the way is opend for you to do the same on the afore mentioned poem.
Rev. Alimae
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