she looked at me in the eyes
with tears on her face
and tried to tell me she was fine
but i saw the truth,
I saw through the line.
she coulnt tell me
what went on behind the four walls of her home,
but i saw in her eyes,
she was desperately alone
i knew i couldnt help,
it wasnt my fault from the start,
I looked at her
and felt my heart-- break
Cause i knew all those smiles were fake
I would have saved her if I'd had the chance
but by the time it all,
It was too late,
and my dreams started to fall.
I know now that i should have stayed,
even when she told me to go
there are so many things
I know have to know.
He life was taken
and mine was suddenly turned around,
and shaken
i miss her more than ever,
When I think of how i could have helped
But most of all,
I think its my fault,
She's 6 feet under ground.
Author notes
This was a hard peice for me to write. Because everything is so true. I miss this girl more than anything on this earth. But most of all, I still have those nightmares... the ones of her, accusing me of being the reason she didnt live.
Her father was abusive and one day i was over there and he came home really mad at her and she told me I should just go. about an hour later I tried calling her to see if everything was ok, she wouldnt answer... so I got worried. I called her moms cell phone and she was like, "I'm going home, let me call you when I get there." Well, 30 minutes later she called me and was just bawling she wouldnt talk... and i freaked out. So i got in the car and drove over there and when i walked into the house there was blood by the front door and I screamed then ran to Ashleighs room and her and her mom where laying there... there was blood all over and I wouldnt see ashleighs face. I called an ambulance and walked over there. Her mom had cut her own wrists because she couldnt live without her daughter... thats what she said. I'll never forget the last words ashleigh told me~ "I'll call you in a little bit, I love you more than you know, just do this for me."
I should have stayed... but I didn't. And I Blame myself for all that happened.
Tell me what hits you the right way... and the first emotion you have,
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Wow.. very deep. Great write, the meaning is just... gushing from it.
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oh wow. first of all, thank you for your strength. What a difficult piece to write about. this is a very strong poem, and i know that it is full of emotions and power. thank you for sharing something so intimate. and take care
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Tragic. This piece is beautiful and haunting. I'd like to say that you shouldn't blame yourself, but as I'm not in your shoes I'm not sure how it would help. I'm terribly sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing.
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This poem brought tears to my eyes, I'm very sorry about the tragedy..This poem is so full of emotion, It is amazing....I hope you feel better...
xXx-xXx
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I have never had to deal with anything like that before; for that I count myself blessed. Still, my heart goes out to anyone who has suffered such a tragedy! I don't understand what it is like to lose a close friend, but I do understand what it is like to blame yourself for something; even if you could have done nothing different. Sometimes, even if we know that something is happening, we have no choice but to stay uninvolved; even if it hurts like crazy after the fact. How were we to know? This is a great piece, I am sorry that you had to write it though!
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We are truly touched and blessed
to read the strong courage you hold within you,
to write this
soul piercing poem/story.
I too..have carried this horrid weight,
"blame" and "shame" I even
sought to throw it in another's face too,
to rid myself of the aching anguish in it.
It did not work,
and gave no honor and respect to the
one i dearly loved and lost to collapsed blood veins.
Perhaps life teaches us painful lessons so we are able
to shed the layers of what we fear to face.
May you find the courage now to forgive yourself,
in this tender comment, a gift from another mother,
who hears your tears of pain. Forgive her, and
you will likewise gift yourself.
hugs-hugs-hugs
this poem is p o w e r f u l!
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This is gut-wrenching. One thing I have had to learn the hard way is there are some things in life you can't control. The more you believe you can, the more they haunt you. Don't let the What-ifs bring drag you to dark places.
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wow this actually made me feel your pain i'm sorry about your friend
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