This relationship;
Our war of attrition
Erodes me day by day
I am the battered coastline
and you the wicked waves,
Breaking off pieces of me
Crumbling my soul.
Each day we assemble on the front line,
Our sole purpose to destroy
Our main aim to force surrender.
We shoot insults back and forth
Firing bullets of home truth.
Despite my armour of indifference
It wounds me more than words can say.
At night comes the shell-shock;
waking me from tormented sleep.
My mind replays each poisoned word
And I relive each bitter blow.
This relationship;
my corset of misery.
Desperate to escape it grip and breathe
I cut the ties, unweave the laces
I watch as it falls;
Somehow the fabric of my soul unravelled with it.
I am breathless.
Breathless and alone.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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contrived. blatant extended metaphors in poems seem formulaic to me, and are not to my taste.
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I really liked how you used the imagery (which was wonderfully done I might add) of a battlefield to portray your relationship (or the relationship of the persona of the poem) the only thing that I didn't particularly think was very fitting was that at the end you changed it to the imagery of a corset and although I loved the last two stanzas (or last stanza and last line) I think maybe that they would do better as part of a different poem... but that is just my suggestion. I loved the 'shell shocked' part, it was the most vivid part for me
wonderfully done, this is amazingly written!
Keep writing
Polly
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That poem was wonderfully writ, not one word wasted! Luved It!
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