For The Undefined Soul

This venom coats my soul
My mind is numb from what I can’t hold
As the darkness rapes me
Again and again
Until my mind has met wits end

I reach for the light
Through the cracks in the door
The skeleton key that has locked me away
Is within the hands of my remorse

This constant self-pity
Am I selfish to feel?
Is it selfish to cry when I don’t know what’s real?

Am I the girl that you wanted with the heart
With the soul, with the words of silver and gold
Or am I the girl who is truly lost
My lips masked by the ever pressing
Reflection of what’s truly not

Or am I the girl who got cut short
Of the life that I’m supposed to feel
The paper doll that fits the mold

Conceal, conceal, conceal

This heartbreak comes in seasons
I’m starting to see it now
How all the words in all the world
Can’t capture what I’m feeling now

And I wonder if perhaps this reason
Is why I claw my skin at night
To try and free my restless soul
With silent screams into the night

Don’t patronize me when I come to you
I’ve been validated against it all
As I watch my reflection in that mirror
As my body slides down that wall

Because the truth I will tell you
Is that I don’t feel alive
I feel like I am the very epitome
Of what I’d gained with time

Those times I said it was over
Before it even began
Those times I said I’d quit
Before I’d even run out of sand

These sleek metal machines
The ones that haunt my dreams
Aren’t razor blades, oh no,
These bullets know no means

That masked man he tells me…
“You’re going to die.”
And I say nothing, maybe it’s from shock
Or maybe it’s because I’ve just realized

That no matter which way you turn me
I was a puzzle piece never sought to fit
But to collide with all the damage
All the lies and the regret