The day was warm and breezy
salt water chased at our feet,
I felt so alive that day
gentle persuasion complete.
The ocean was my first love
you delivered me that day,
missing the gentle beauty
memories kept me away.
Your expressions seemed sincere
hesitating, I believed,
I let myself feel love again
sadly it was misconceived.
I wonder if you ever
let yourself remember me,
the sunlight and balmy breeze
your words spoken near the sea.
Author notes
Ethereal One
In a list
A contest entry
- Farewell to Fall Invitational by Kikai Ni.
800 points, ended December 10, 2008, 23 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
-
You deserved the gold trophy after I finished reading this piece. Lovely and expressive work of poetry. Keep it up!
-
I can see why this piece won the gold trophy. It was pure beauty in word and thought. I love the flow and the rhythm. Sad that one should have such sorrowful memories at such a beautiful place as the ocean...or anywhere in nature for that matter. You penned a wonderful story about love and loss and wrote it in a way that it seemed to just dawdle along in its effect. Thank you for the read and keep up the great work.
-
This piece touches me on so many levels. Beautifully written. You really wrote about a deep, passionate love.
Well done.
Congratulations on the Gold.
Soulful Woman
-
yes sweet love is what each of us desire, look far, search at times entire lives, or as the song goes: " what the world needs is love, sweet love". nothing wrong in searching, if it fails to materilize, do not give up, keep searching and you may be surprised what you find. maybe not gold at the end of the rainbow, but something better, true love! ah yes, sweet love, its worth looking for. wishing you success.
-
It is very poignant, very wistful.
I'm known as a bean-counter here, because I count syllables when people present poetry which appears to be rhymed and structured. But I don't like to waste acres of screen analysing a poem "in public", and anyway, who the heck am I! But please allow me to say that you could have tightened up the sense of rhythm - just my opinion.
No reason why you should pay attention to that, though If you have said what you want to say, in the way that you want to say it, then that is probably all that matters. And this is a good poem.
-
A gentle poignant poem of love and betrayal, the sea, your first love, deserves your emotions and memories more
-
Such memories that return when you see the ocean and walk along the sandy beaches, lovely picture to use as inspiration for these flowing words.
-
Perplexed?
This was a nice piece which had a
good flow. The images created by your
words were equally beautiful.
My only thing is trying to figure out
what you were eluding too. I could most
certainly draw my own conclusion but there
is still some mystery between the line.
Good job
-
Aw, this was beautiful.
It really stood out to me, I love it.
The imagery and expression is beautiful.
I know I've felt like that before.
-
Beautiful
A very beautiful poem! It takes you to another place and time you could get lost just in the beaty of the words!
-
Oh My!!
This tugs at the Heartstrings
Beautiful verse penned- Love that rhyme
...certainly swells the eyes
Magnificent piece Beautiful!!
The last stanza touches deep(
Thank You for sharing Your Heart also Voice~
Many blessings to You in all You do Sweet Soul
Best wishes too
and much love~ Desire~*~
-
excellent~
What a poem you have woven here sis...
I sighed as I read it..should be in bed but got up sick
Beautiful and sad at the same time...
Love the pic best of luck in the contest..it's a winner in my book........
Been back in the hospital..will try and give you a call this week
Love this sis and you too
Hugs
Your sis
Susan~~~
-
I always think of all the words and memories that must lie out over an ocean sunset. A bittersweet thought of the times better remembered and oftentimes forgotten anyway. Another great poem of nostalgia and longing. Your writing always has such a sense of gentle romance.
-
-
Thank you
Your comments on my poems mean so much to me. I appreciate you taking the time to read, and leave some very insightful words about the poetry.
Jeannette
-
-
This is so sadly beautiful!!! SIGH...just wonderful to feel and read!
Blessed Be~
Az
-
-
Thank you
Thanks so much for reading this poem. I appreciate your kind words.
Jeannette
-
-
sad
but very well written. I really like it.. feels sort of.. longing? haha. I'm not sure.. but that's how it feels to me. Good job!
-
First, the title is just perfect,,
To me it was a dreamy timeless sort of
Title.
I think titling is a talent on to itself.
This had such a warm feeling and a sad one.
How we circle our memories around us.
And wonder if we are thought of by those who we were in love with or thought we were.
We wonder if our love was ever realized by those who didn't return it or didn't care.
So much a part of life but so sad, so sad.
You have invoked emotion from me yet again.
You are such a fine writer my friend, thats what makes your comments on my work such a fine addition.
MANY MANY BLESSINGS,
LOWELL POE
-
Oh My!!
This one brings tears to the eyes
Beautifully written with Powerful emotions~~
I wish You only Happiness
The picture grabs~ and I feel as if there
Thank You for sharing Your Heart and Spirit~
Many blessings to You in all You do Sweet Soul
Best wishes too
and much love~ Desire~*~
-
beautiful and yet a sadness here. it hurts when you love again and find it was wrong, bad for you. I too, love the ocean, have never been there with my love, in fact many place we hve not gone. The ocean with the roar of the waves, tend to cleanse me of feelings and sooth the mind. thank you for sharing.
-
-
Thank you for reading and commenting. It is sad to realize a certain person is not the one for you. I am happy you have found someone, and I do keep the faith that one day I will too.
Jeannette
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 21 of 21
