In the hallways I would always walk alone
You'd walk ahead of me and leave me on my own
I prayed you would change and then you would see
How I've cried and what you've done to me
But now we are forgotten
And too long I've been alone
And if nobody finds me
I will become just bone
A contest entry
- Teenagers [Kids] In Love by Rilly.
550 points, ended March 9, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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this is a great piece, i really get the emotions you're trying to express here... thats my first thought, second thing is like BlankSillhouette said, watch the rhymes for when they're forced... and lastly i'll give you a hint that has helped me a lot with writing poetry that flows, if you don't care about that you can ignore this last part, but learn to feel the rhythm in words, and lines... look for where the strong beats fall and where the weak ones are, just a hint for you to think about... if you're curious, just ask me and i'll explain more
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nice poem. Be careful that you don't force the rhyme. anyways youre off to a great start! keep up the writes. Again, a thesaurus is your friend. Just get one off google. Anyways keep up the astounding writes. Good luck in the contest.
XBlankSillhouetteX
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