In clouds passing over the jaws of Earth,
the sky-drop that melds with ocean's vastness,
streaking fire across eternal darkness,
mirrors of man-span, harvest Death from Birth.
Author notes
I really wanted to keep it free, but this forced itself upon me immediately and without effort, so I rolled with it and feel it is pretty profound and elegant in its simplicity and brevity. So I'm humbly submitting it for your learned criticism. I am Native American, if that makes any difference.
A contest entry
- From this "Native American" quote find inspiration by sanch011.
600 points, ended March 8, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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This is very different which is not at all bad... It made me think... Very good!
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Sorry...clicked on 2wice 'cause I'm an utter tard. Will return 10 points....
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I'm 1/8th native American...which means I could have gotten a scholarship, but it felt wrong. Misplaced really. I think you could have inserted words or phrases into this which would have pointed the reader closer to your point. That's what poetry is. We can't give it to people who don't know, but we write it to point to emotions and concepts. I can see you were trying to do this here, but you've got to be more specific.
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Different
This is full of meaning and makes a person stop and ponder. An excellent write I am honored to have read.
Rev. Alimae
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Wow
Sometimes you amaze yourself.
Check the temperature of the times in Hawaiian time set to music at www.nakedadam.net
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