You are with me.
Both of us peer keenly through the haze.
Gold burns on your finger,
Freckles shade your eyes,
Your shadow cools me.
And we just are, for a minute
Photographic.
Our gazes converge
at the point where the obelisk stands.
Author notes
In Pastels, part II
Something has changed. She is looking at the scene with me. The pictures are definite, sharp, clear, solid. We're on a firmer footing but I still have absolutely no idea what's going on with the images.
Anyway, I love you for everything you've done. Don't ever think that's gonna "run out" or "dry up" at some point... it's not. It's the least I can do.
A contest entry
- REM cycling by grassisgreener.
600 points, ended August 21, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Let me know what you think. Comments and suggestions welcome.
Comments
-
i really love this. you take simple imagery and make it unique by juxtaposing unexpected verbs and nouns. "freckles shade" and "gold burns" are especially fantastic. What's on the obelisk to catch both your eyes? and what is the title about? I'm not sure I'm a huge fan of so many commas in such a short piece. I think if you add a bit more information to the scene and consider a less tight punctuation, I would definitely make this a finalist. If you want to have me revisit this poem, please let me know! Thank you for entering
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