For Ben

Too many things I spent too long on,
and the things I didn't say echo.
How do you begin a lifetime,
of regretting how you treated the one you love?

The stages of becoming my own person,
thinking of myself when you needed support,
then only conforming to one I didn't love.
How could you ever forgive me?

To even kneel at your feet and beg,
for me would be an honor.
My shame is great and my heart swells,
longing to shed the grief at my selfishness.

What I did to you was inexcusable,
my hope is that you know my heart,
know that I hurt for all I missed,
for the things I didn't do and say. 

I love you now and forever,
and I ache to think you've gone.
Just know that I still care,
and see how I was selfish.