I'm in the water.I've drowned
in the deep where I lived.Some
people builded a river.I just
didn't get to shore in time.
It rushed over top of me a
millon times.I finally died
in the river.All I knew was
that I was dead and I had no
family.I died in the that old
dried up river.Why was I not
fast enough?My family was
sad they lost a child.They
knew was dead in the river.
They just wouldn't get
my body.My sisters and
brothers what did they do without
me?They were only 2 or 3.I loved
them.I was always watching out
for them.
A contest entry
- Still Water by NurseChilly.
1750 points, ended March 18, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
I didn't have many rules for this contest, but one of them was to have the piece Left Aligned, which this isn't....
I think this could be a good piece but it is a tad too heavy with pronouns and it could use some line breaks, plus the red coloured font is rather off-putting and is rather cliched. Plus the cross-over of the image of a loss of a child and the colour of blood is quite cliched too...
many thanks for entering
G.x
-
wow
just amazing
-
great
wow
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