She cries
when she is alone
She cries
when he is gone
She cries
when she goes to sleep
She cries
because the cuts are to deep
He cries
when he is alone
He cries
when she is gone
He cries
when he goes to sleep
He cries
because the cuts are to deep
They cry
when they are apart
They cry
because they are to smart
They cry
because
they love and learn
They cry
because the cuts still burn.
A contest entry
- "She/He Cries" by JustAnotherIdoit.
450 points, ended March 20, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
wonderful (but sad) write. You truly have a talent to touch the reader. Cutting is an addiction just like any other addiction, and so hard to stop. I don't like to "critic" ppl's poetry, but the only error I find in this poem is quite simple, "because the cuts are to deep"..."to" should be "too". Hope u r not mad at me for correcting your spelling!
Take care and be safe.
~Monica
-
i love it! great write! i love how you repeated their reason for crying ='( it makes me want to cry.... yet very nice write
~*Adriane*~ -
Your last line didn't have she/he cries on it...
No offence, just something I noticed. It would be ashamed if you got DQ'd because of something like that.
I'm not 100% positive if the repition worked in this piece.
Good luck anyway =) -
I really liked how you used both of the promps. Great write, I enjoyed it.
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