the waves, splash gently, coerce
pier-perched seagulls to belay
their wares. the sun reimburses
as they turn plumes t'ward day
and shine.
the salts, lash, singe skyward
eyes. squint with distaste
and weary of sea-soaked plywood,
gulls relent. all but one find haste
and flap!
atop the barren pier,
one-legged adonis
triumphantly eats his fill.
A contest entry
- All for Fun (taking ALL poems from anyone) by Erozay.
450 points, ended May 7, 2008, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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You want a critique? Might get me in the mood to write again.
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i feel ive seen this one before or maybe the title .......i dont know i may be going mad from reading all these poems but it was wierd and cute so i liked it anyway lol
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I have had it featured once or twice. Thanks for reading, I'm glad you enjoyed it
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That's a thoughtful write and nicely done. I've seen that one-legged gull in out door restaurant s along the waterways of life along with a three-legged dog. Happy trails neighbor
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seagulls?
I hate those disgusting birds, their as bad as pigeons. But you made them out to be the good guys huh? Yeah I guess searching for food is all they really are trying to do, see in Jersey they're just annoying grabbin food outa peoples hands.. but this was a good write, and I liked the words you used in the poem.
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This is certainly original (and I mean that in the good, non-sarcastic way), and even though I'm terrified of most birds in real life, I love seagulls. I love even more how you described it as Adonis; the allusion alone is beautiful, even if it's meant to describe the seagull and not your mind and writing.
One nitpick: "the salts, lash, singe skyward / eyes." Do you mean "the salts lash, singe skyward"?
Your writing is awesome, especially your diction; plumes, pier-perched, skyward, sea-soaked, one-legged, barren... you know, you're very Old English.
-Cristina
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Hi,
I like your allusion to my mind being an Adonis
"The salts, lash, singe skyward" is meant as it looks, I maintain the pause in the first line to match meter more with the *very* first line. I don't think it's incorrect, and actually, I like it better than if I'd left that first comma out. Take lash as a verb.
My writing is exhausting. It's true that I studied Middle English quite extensively for a couple of years before I was 20, but I'd like to think the literature of the late 1800s-1940s comes through more now. I have no formal training.
Would you be my partner in a Winklings collaborative contest? -
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Ah, okay, I see how it's read that way now... makes sense. And I love how Middle English sounds. I assume you've read Chaucer?
And what exactly is this contest?
I might be game for it.
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http://allpoetry.com/contest/2401563
I've read scraps of Chaucer, I know it was he who wrote "ne'er" as "nerre", I will have to get around to him though. I'm currently stuck hard on Orwell, though
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This is very full of sensory images--which I love. Awesome job.
(I know the name but right now I forget...who/what is Adonis?)
~Sarah
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Hi,
Thank you very much!
1. Classical Mythology. a youth slain by a wild boar but permitted by Zeus to pass four months every year in the lower world with Persephone, four with Aphrodite, and four wherever he chose.
2. a very handsome young man (or seagull).
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