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Tonight I Miss You (Again)

Silence

Cold and tragic

Thoughts of you lying beside me.


Your memory:

the sound of your smooth skin,
the touch of your pale voice
...
Images of
you and me
when I was still alive


Lost feelings illuminating
my glassy looking eyes,



I just miss you tonight

Author notes

FOR YOU,ALWAYS ::: "And when I see you, I will remember what we had, and cherish what we lost.":::

SeleneTremere 1.heartbreak

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    July 11, 2008

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    Immgery and flow is intimate and touching indeed...well done..and my thanks for sending this poem in my contest...


  • deadpixie020
    April 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like the way you switched up your senses in the fifth and sixth lines, it was refreshing and made it vastly less cliche than it might have been had you not done it [wow, how incoherent was that sentence? hah]. And the last line is great, the understatement really makes the poem. Good write and good luck in the contest!


  • Re-invention silver member
    April 13, 2008

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    wonderful write... simple and beautiful... thank you for entering.. please place your name and option in the author notes


  • Charley-
    March 24, 2008

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    Hello there and thanks for entering the contest i thought your piece was really good and a very good read too.Thanks again for entering and best of luck


  • B Chandler
    March 20, 2008

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    Commentary Critique

    The punctuation in this really breaks up the flow within the lines of what you are trying to convey. Perhaps if you were to say..

    <>Silence,
    Cold and tragic...
    Thoughts of you lying beside me,

    Your memory:
    the sound of your smooth skin,
    the touch of your pale voice...

    Images of you and me when I was still alive-
    Lost feelings illuminating
    my glassy looking eyes,

    I just miss you tonight<>

    ...the flow would become more smoother for the reading audiences


  • Manoj Sanyal
    March 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    nice poem.
    Best wishes and good luck


  • BehindTheShadow
    March 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This was a very nice poem. You used some great imagery, best wishes in the contest.


  • Embossed
    March 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is the best titled poem I've seen in a long time.


  • Rachel21
    March 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this was a good read
    good luck


  • Lost Vampyre Angel
    March 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this was touching,
    it really was,
    it was sad and sorrowful,
    i love how you layed out the lines,
    pale voice i like that alot,
    xxxx best of luck in the contest,
    *leaves a rose*
    love Elektra xxx


  • Shahrazad
    March 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    awww this was lovely... interesting that you describe a pale voice..... i thikn you played with a lot of cool words in this poem. I really liked this

    thanks for entering it in the contest!


  • joelegy
    March 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    very nice job!
    Really like this one!


  • Upstairs
    March 5, 2008

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    Awww I love this !!
    'the sound of your smooth skin,
    the touch of your pale voice'
    That is absolutely amazing. Great imagery..
    Beautiful


  • Nephlim
    March 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thoughts of you lying beside me... that's a sad line, but beautiful all the same. Sound of skin and touch of voice, lovely and artistic to switch them around and the end was very impacting, sad.
    GREAT job
    diggin it majorly


  • LanguishedLad
    March 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    well penned

    Thankyou for entering and best of luck. WOW on the poem, I really like the lines:-
    the sound of your smooth skin,
    the touch of your pale voice

    I'm not sure if it was intentional or not but WOW well put together. Thanks for the entry.

1 - 15 of 15