Writing down the words we say while riding down
The road in turns to be okay when we hit the ground.
Say the name to call me from the Lascuex painting.
Time the day to make sure hours are worth the waiting.
I believe that we were meant to see,
And I believe that speculation is temporary.
I believe that we were meant to fit,
But I can see that nothing much helps us support it.
Only time reminds us to check all our gauges.
We're just fine to be progressing through all these stages.
Reaching out to touch the words and feel their meaning.
From my mouth, it takes some time to start believing.
I believe that we were meant to see,
And I believe that speculation is temporary.
I believe that we were meant to fit,
But I can see that nothing much helps us support it.
We can feel the time we've spent. The time we've spent,
We can hear. The words get bent. The words get bent.
Sentimos el tiempo en nuestro camino.
Dedicación es parte de nuestro destino.
I believe that we were meant to see,
And I believe that speculation is temporary.
I believe that we were meant to hold.
Yo decidí que quiero crear con lodo.
I believe that we were meant to see,
And I believe that speculation is temporary.
A contest entry
- The art of forgiveness by NeonRose.
900 points, ended April 14, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What Do You Want? by violetrose.
630 points, ended May 15, 2008, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A quick one for the best! by Peachy.
1800 points, ended July 6, 2008, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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The rhyme was a little forced and it tended to go on and repeat itself a little but I liked the spanish in there;
Thanks for entering! -
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Well, it should repeat itself, it's actually a song. Sooo. . .it's still a poem, I guess you'd call it a sonnet since it has a chorus, but thanks for reading.
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This is a piece that is obviously full of emotion. My only criticism is that sometimes the rhymes felt a little forced, which took away from the great flow. Other than that, though, I really enjoyed reading this. It's been a while since I took Spanish, though. I know one of the lines has something to do with "dedication is part of new destiny" or something...could you translate for me, por favor? But I love the use of the Spanish lines in the poem, it's a very interesting choice that interrupts the flow in a good way. Great job!
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Yeah, that was my issue with the song, as well, but it really does sound better sang to guitar. Hehe, the Spanish lines read:
We feel the time in our way/path
Dedication is part of our destiny.
and in the last chorus it says:
I decided that I want to create with mud.
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I have to sit and think a bit on how this follows the prompt criteria, but I much enjoyed reading this work. It has a nice flow, and moves easily from line to line. Also, I will need someone to interpret for me Thank you for entering my contest.
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I guess it takes a little context. This is a song for my girlfriend, and I wrote it during the end-parts of a phase of miscommunication if there was any. The chorus expresses a sort of self forgiveness and apology as well that's realistic instead of idealistic. It was also written in response the forgiveness I knew she had given me and how her amazing patience with me makes trying worth it.
Going through the song line by line is slightly more difficult and would take writing something much longer than the song itself.
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