Oh i could sit here and be cliche,
Talk of roses that never wilt
And suns that never set
Singing sonnets of your glory
Writing ode's to your brilliance,
Oh indeed to be so cliche.
Instead i sit in silence,
And never speak a word or make an
Expression that would tarnish
The pure intensity instilled within
Like a fire burning in the night,
Inferno of the heart.
One could pen a thousand writes,
And then a thousand more that
Would do everything but encapsulate
Everything you radiate and emanate
A fusion of life and mystery,
A craft of unearthly proportions.
A contest entry
- project poetry season one [prewrite & fresh auditions] by blackday.
600 points, ended March 27, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Means the most to you (Moderators Only) by MuddyKing.
900 points, ended October 24, 2008, 4 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Personal and involving
This poem reminds of me once trying to get involve with Venus the goddess though it came a bit controversial in several aspects I kept to myself.
Although your point of view centres the same as to mine a true profound encounter with the femenine essence reverberating the universal background.
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so many talk about the love in your lines
I see more of the affection and the chance of love never becoming what it ends up for so many
this is a pure piece in my opinion and I'm glad you chose it
wonderful take on what it should be
peace
Muddy
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Tenderly written....
when the heart is filled with love that it can not find
the words or imagery to express the proportions of such
great heights. This would actually be a darn good
song too!
well done poet...and if thy woman truly be earth goddess,
she will understand every single word of it and weep.
ears/Seattle
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beautiful poem, its so emotional and beautiful. the flow may seem awkward at times but i actually like it in this case. kudos for you!
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I've been feeling a little torn about this poem, Phil. Really, I have. That's why its taken me so long to comment.
Your writes always cover the emotional side of writing that I look for. They are from the heart & guts. But your technical execution of the poem wasn't what I was looking for.
It seems as if you could have used your line breaks more effectively & made the poem more... I don't know. I was looking for something more sultry & "you know baby, this is how I feel" with a whisper ending type of thing.
You did have nice alliteration & some internal rhyme, but I just don't think this is the best from you.
You can revise or enter again if you wish.
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...and a beautiful title..
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"A fusion of life and mystery,
A craft of unearthly proportions."
What a gorgeous love poem...
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I think whoever she is, you need to give a copy of this to her
You have penned this most excellently. I love the honesty and heart of it. Awesome!
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You are a true artist and your words I adore. The way you weave them is remarkable indeed. Thank you for sharing them with me and best wishes to you my sweet friend. Keep that quill dipped in ink and ever ready for use.
♥ Touchof1der -
Bittersweet this is, the awe at something truly too magnificent for words, (and not the cliche of "too magnificent for words" either) faced with what may be frustration at such an elusive muse. But then again, my interpretation may be bit off. Accurate or not, this is a beautiful piece of writing, poetic in every sense of the word. The muse for this poem is very lucky. =]
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owwww phil i feel the same way for you
ily you smexxxy mod
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I'm sorry.
I wish i had read this sooner.
I'm pretty much speechless.
I've never had anyone write something about me
quite like this. i promise,
while i'm getting my head straight,
i'll keep these words in the back of my mind.
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Talk about sweet beauty.
This is breathtaking.
You words flow down this page
in a river of loving admiration
that is undenable.
Well Done!
Keep up the great work!
♥
~TE~
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Wow Phil this is a really good poem and i really like it a lot it is very, very mind-blowing. Like Bels said it is definitely flawless and there is no way to critique it.
May your ink never Dry.
♥
-Silky
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Phil your words are flawless here.
I can say there is nothing here to critique in any way.
Sheer perfection!
Definately one of your best pieces and a new favorite of mine
Blessings
Bel
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Beautifully done, Phil.
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