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memorial

whispered promises on bated breath

all lies when spoken in Night’s passion,

the moon making the mind go mad,

                                               just kiss me…

now the morning’s come,

forget my soul,

                you’re gone

                you’re gone

blown to pieces with your words…

I told you they were lies,

but you didn’t listen to me,

did you?

Ignorant girl.

remembrance of romantic tears,

creation of a memorial in place of our bed;

our tangled sheets becoming

                        the cover for our graves…

now waiting

          waiting

            waiting

for you to come back,

when, resting on our down pillows

                             and your hands finding me once more,

we can watch my loneliness rot.







~~~

Author notes

Title good? Yes? No? Maybe? Suggestons? o.o

A contest entry

...

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Swan song gold member
    March 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is pretty awesome. I love the way you placed your lines Made it a good read. Deserved better than an Hm in my humble opinion


  • Ryno
    March 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Meh. Screw the title, its the poem I loved

    Such powerful emotions in this, they're raw, witch is what makes it excellent and the piece almost lyrical; since it felt like you weren't hiding anything from me.

    Zomg. The repition even worked!

    Thanks for the entry!

    Ryan

  • SoulWhispher
    March 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Well done daughter, great job with the prompt, Love Dad


  • x-Black-Butterfly-x gold member
    March 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is amaazing your words are so empotive and have truly the captured the prompt with such thought and emotion well done sissy


  • Anguas-Confusion gold member
    March 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ermmm... I don't think much to the title I'd call it something along the lines of "Whispered Promises" or "memorial" but apart from that this poem is amazing! really captures the idea of the prompt. Well done. Best of luck in the contest.
    Much love, always.

    Me
    XX

1 - 11 of 11