Lacquered thoughts gleam,
swaggering step unnoticed
in the full glare of the midday sun,
control held tighter than a death grip;
a part of me will cry here tonight.
It would take only one solitary scream
behind the closed bedroom door,
then the restraint would be lost,
I would regain domination of myself;
a part of me will die here tonight.
There is only me, myself and I,
yet there is no balance,
no upswing follows the downturn,
night after night I hate myself to sleep;
a part of me will fight here tonight.
How will the struggle unfold this time?
Will I rape my thought again?
Will I rape my memory again?
Will I rape my positivity again?
Will I bite, scratch and berate myself
back into another baleful depression?
Every struggle, I rape myself back to the bottom;
a part of me will live here tonight.
Shadows in the blazing sunlight,
even they no longer stalk this monster,
they furtively hide within,
hoping that their moment will come;
a part of me will decide here tonight.
Fruitless smiles of satisfaction,
wallowing in self created cells,
serves as an emotional badge of honour,
but does nothing to pump my blood;
a part of me will defy here tonight.
The transmogrification of despair,
into waves of new found passion
with the clarity of a winter’s morning,
only I can set myself free;
a part of me will fly tonight.
Author notes
This piece is essentially about my struggle to fight my way out of self-hate.
I thought I would go for a slightly different structure with this one, using a bit of repetition in the lines that split the stanzas and also having a central stanza that has a different structure to the others, again using repetition to emphasize.
In a list
A contest entry
- Spill Out Your Heart by KeepingTime.
375 points, ended March 14, 2008, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter All Your Personal Writes Here (Part IV) by xxRainbowDawnxx.
900 points, ended May 24, 2008, 208 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Isn't She Lovely [Broken] by Nothing But No.
425 points, ended May 26, 2008, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Absolutely amazing. The struggle in this piece is beautifully written. Thank you for entering and best of luck in the contest
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awww this is really quite sad, but very beautifully written, love your choice of words very strong.
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Penned very well
In this write I feel the person within fighting to get out to want to know and ask beyond this is there life in waiting for me why cant I find it why cant I feel it yet in the looking at all the needs so often we forget to look ahead at what can be the ultimate decision to start a new and make the world before you a happier place to live . Good work here and goodmorning I hope you have a good day I really do
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Thank you very much. The piece is very much about being trapped, being trapped by self and how one sees oneself and reaching the point, though hard, that you must fight to get out of it.
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i REALLY LIKE THE STYLE OF THIS AND THE SUBJECT.
PEACE
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Thanks very much. I'm struggling a lot with it on and off at the moment (or at least, should I say it is more back in the forefront of my mind), so it seems to be coming out in my writing a lot.
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