Author notes
Type 5- Romantic Love
Option 2 & 3
RIP David (The person who inspired this poem is now gone killed at war in Iraq. I wrote the poem when he was still alive.)
A contest entry
- LOVE IS IN THE AIR.......LET YOUR LOVE HEART SHINE! BIG POINTS!!!!! by ears2hearyou.
1200 points, ended April 11, 2008, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - star crossed lovers by Cerbie20.
1325 points, ended August 31, 2008, 87 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Love Story With A Twist by Venus25.
425 points, ended September 16, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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A very beautiful creation
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wow
i really liked this poem my favourte bit was
"But father time pushes on it becomes 2099
And memories become mythical;
Oh how the children listen
To the magic and fantasy
When standing at the oceans
One can still hear the laughter;"
reminds me of all the forgotten memorys in life
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This was such a sad, but beautiful poem. It reminded me of that song "Unanswered prayers." Sometimes you don't think God is listening and that he doesn't care, but really he has a better plan for you or he's wanting you to save yourself for another man "the one" that you meet later in your life. Great write.
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Such a lovely memory
Yes we are blessed throughout our life and often when young we cant see it until later and times goes on this is such a heartfelt write indeed
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I wrote it when he was still alive.
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I enjoyed reading this very much. You did a great job with the imagery. Thank you for posting it in my contest.
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Nicely written, loved this part "The mind controls your emotions
Your thoughts
And your successes;
Think you can and you will;"
Best of luck to you in this contest...Scott
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this is the most breath taking poem that i have ever read... its a really good piece.
Her ghost still stands at the water's edge salt water all over her feet
She knows he is out there on the other side of the oceans;
His spirit does the same on France's Atlantic coast
Across the seas
Thinking of her.
Pretending he is not hurt
Carrying on like nothing is wrong...
i really liked this part... at a time in any persons life, im sure that they can relate to this part the most... i know i did. very good job!
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This was very interesting.. Thank you for entering..
I really liked this piece..
Peace to you, Jetleena
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This was a pleasure to read
You keep the interest goin to the end and what fun it was to the end . Loved ti all...mac -
aww this was really cute, and it wasnt all sappy it had a good meaning behind it, great write!
-Raging Chaos -
Lovely imagery!
I really like the fifth stanza.
It's great.
Good luck
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mythical
First of all...Thank your for entering my contest!!! The imagery of your piece was awesome and your general idea is a good one!! Unfortunately I was awefully confused, because it was hard to tell who all the he's and she's were etc... but then again maybe I'm just too sleepy!!! I shall have to read this write again tomorrow... alas, good work and thanks.
- -riah- -
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This is a very meaningful and beautiful poem. I really liked the imagery. Nice job!
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This is so touching
I felt as if you had peaked into anothers soul. Tis is a treasure to hold and keep...mac
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This Is Amazing and So Beautiful
I think this is an amazing and really beautiful poem. Your words are so gentle and tender, they tell a story of loss and sadness but you do it so beautifully that I was left with a warm feeling. I feel that there is a kernel of truth in your story poem, and that for me added to the sad feelings here. I was left with the impression that her loved one was lost in France during the war and that she had to bring their small child up on her own. Maybe that's just me fantasising. lol. It made me think of a modern day Romeo & Juliet. I loved this poem, Really well done. i wish you All Good Luck in the contest, All my very best wishes from Rose xxx
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I can clearly see why this piece is one of your favorise.
It is well writthen
Loveandblessings2u & yours always
Joyce ;f
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I really enjoyed the basis of this and found it really touching, the imagery of them standing at opposite ends of an ocean pining for one another was something I was in the mood for this evening. Thanks for entering.
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thank you
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What an amazing story with vivid imagery. There is so much that I felt while I read this. It really captivated my attention. Usually I tend to get bored with long poetry, but I never even noticed how long this is. I actually wish that it kept going. I like how it leaps across different times and through different lives although there are times when it can be a bit confusing. I can definitely feel the sense of longing that this poem portrays.
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this is so great awesome i could stop reading over over again.... well written and well express.. thanks for sharing
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This is fantastic! I really got sucked into it and enjoyed every line. Written superbly. All out a fantastic write.
I couldnt help but read it again. -
This is really good. One of your best
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This poem shows the beginnings of a wonderful tale. I do wish it were longer! The basic story line is all there; children are learning of life's lessons via the story of a boy and girl who met on the beach they are currently on and ended up separated by an ocean.
All I would ask is that you add more description; describe the coast, the boy and the girl who are the subjects of the story, and make sure you clearly separate the entities in your poem - it becomes a bit jumbled in the middle, skipping between children being told of the story and the story being told itself, and never mentioning who is retelling the story.
Also I find that the sad ending seems to negate the idea that a relationship is not always meant to work out but sometimes is meant only to teach a lesson in life.
All complaints aside, I truly enjoyed this poem, and should you decide to add to it and tweak it I would love to read it again :-) -
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Ok will do thank you
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Very good
It's a good story of lost love. I also like the dramatic effects of the spaces between sections. I really liked it!
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Haunted by a love lost. There is beauty and pain here
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Coming Into Focus
Okay, I'm getting the sense of some kind of apocalypse and some sense of place like "France"...but still, not clear on who these people are, what the myth is or why, etc. A little clearer, perhaps!! -
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Ok I got it. Your first comment really hit me I knew what I wanted to say and I am glad you said you wanted to see it... thank you
MJ
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Clarity a Rarity
The words hint at an underlying tragedy that is never revealed to my satisfaction. I was intrigued by the first few lines, and then felt my interest waning as the succeeding lines added little meaning or depth or clarity to the questions first planted in my mind. I don't know who this figure is. I'm not sure where the shores are, what era, if this is a past life, a passed parent, an actual ghost, or what. It is one of those poems that, in an attempt to be mysterious and poetic, reveals almost nothing new or moving. It is just a series of mysterious words that cannot be deciphered. I think you need to find or determine the meaning of this, and then try to reveal the meaning in a new and powerful way, possibly through the metaphors already established in this poem. -
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Ok thank you so much for your imput!
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This is nice
very good imagery, and since you hit a soft spot in me(fantasy I like even more! lots of luck in the contest!
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I liked this. It made me think. Kinda abstract but in a good way. I really enyoyed reading it. Nice write, thanks for sharing.
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