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Neptune's Fury

In
sea wind
break waters
white crested spray
mist
~
~
One
can feel
summer skies
soft zephyr breeze
swirls
~
~
Calm
glad hearts
are fooled by
natures breathless
awe
~
~
Find
life's fate
sinking depths
taking hearts down
under
~
~
Rip
tides lost
pounded souls
spinning whirlpool
fight
~
~
With
drowning
whispers comes
Neptune's typhoon
storm.



Author notes

BRONZE

Picture prompt: Lanturne Form, string
syllable count 12341 12341 12341...../

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 23 of 23
  • izzy1804
    September 2
    Edit | Reply
    nice poem...I like the layout....good luck


  • wingsofgold25 silver member
    April 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a realy nice I love poems that are about nature ou handled the Style very well.
    Thanks for your entry good luck in the contest.


  • Swan song gold member
    April 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I think this is the best Lanturne I have ever read.
    Wow excellent!

  • Francis Vincent
    March 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    very good

    i like the imagery, content, etc
    neptune, ocean king
    i don't think he's around much anymore
    did he lose his power?


  • Chocolate Chip
    March 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    woah! this poem is soo good!! i really like the style and the layout of the poem.

  • crackette-616
    March 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    WOWEE

    WOW,that poem was wonderfull. it has a lot of emotion. the way your picture and poem relate was kool. congradats on the gold you truly deserved it.


  • lady8
    March 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I can see why you Have the gold,not only worded perfect but picture perfect also.Two thumbs up from me as well!


  • ventus11
    March 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    for the style which you were writing very nice piece. Also congrats on the gold trophy you truly deserved it. cant wait to read more.


  • forever-hoping
    March 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Like the others who commented before me, I enjoyed the set-up of your poem. It matched the picture placed about your poem very well, to really set a tone for the reader. I loved the meter count as well. Congratulations on winning the Gold.


  • LadyGailofDalriadda
    March 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I love the way the words cascade down the page. The stanza's look like waves great write


  • Gypsie Ink
    March 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Exactly!

    This hits me on so many levels....An emotional piece for sure and how true...Powerful!


  • RyanosaurusWrecks
    March 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    a poem well deserving of the gold in arkbears contest
    almost in a breath you have described a great nature event, and in same said breath, took mine away


  • frownsnfreckles
    March 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The build within the words in each stanza creates the movement of the rising storm perfectly.
    well deserved win. congratulations.


  • honorable mention
    March 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow! i felt the fury. excellant job here poet. congrats on the gold.


  • quantumsurveyor
    March 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Rather liked this and well done on your gold trophy - I can see it on your awards shelf right now! The discussion about "fooled" and syllables: fool, is one syllable, so, to differentiate, fooled must be two otherwise how do we understand if noun or verb or tense. Pronunciation phonetically must surely be - fool-der or something similar. Should I just go home and sleep it off?


  • CountryCousin
    March 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Congratulations.

    Congratulations on the gold trophy. I see that you pay attention to the style of writing. No matter the style the poem is a good one to read. It makes clicking on it worthwhile.


  • grannyeri gold member
    March 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What a lovely form you have penned to go with this awesome picture. Congratulations on the gold - just flows from verse to verse.


  • Arkbear gold member
    March 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    *fooled through* = 2 syllables...need 3

     

    *Neptunes furious* = 5 syllables...need 4

     

    If I am wrong, I apologise :) .....but please let me know via this page, in case others have the same question ~

     

    I am blown away by the effort you put into this write.....your aesthetic appeal is breath-taking ~

     

    One even a brighter note....your Flow is outstanding in all due respect......you have penned one of the best Lanturne Strings I have ever seen......so well done to you ~

     

    Your vision is clear to me as I wind through every stanza.....your views are lovely and your words are strong like the write you have penned.......standing in ovation in southern CA ~

     

    The best to you and your entry,

     

    Bear ~


    • Roaddog Wolf
      March 10, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Nope "fooled" is definitely one syllable you are corresct

      and the other is certainly five syllables . chanching "Neptunes, furious storm" wont be as easy to correct as "fooled throught", just make it "are fooled through"...
      can't really change "Neptunes furious, storm" to "Neptunes fury, storm", Hmmmmm??


    • Roaddog Wolf
      March 10, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Hey Bear

      is fooled considered one syllable I gues it has the sound of one for sure, just curious as I want to make corrections
      thanks


    • Roaddog Wolf
      March 10, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      wow double wow!!

      Thank you for the honor of the gold and your diligent and well run contest, appreciate your work

      This was really a surprise my first string Lanturne and to receive such fine compliments from a poet and poetry judge of your caliber is really encouraging and very much an honor. Makes me feel I am progressing which is a great feeling

      Thanks again and congrats to the other contestants


  • Aussie Gypsy gold member
    March 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is going in my bookmarks something I can completely relate to here, the flow was just as the ocean is, gentle but at times it had the vigour and punch it needed... perfection, I expect to see this with some bling

    Karen


  • dustookie2
    March 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I recall the contest host mentioned it should flow with ease from one to the other well HH you have not only achieved it but presented an excellent poem as well...each one can stand alone as it should but together WOW....excellent take on the challenge. With you style and imagery you paint the picture in words good luck in the contest. standing in applause.

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