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ready for display!

fish nets



Neon tights and bright lights
Blue lip stick and glitter all over
She’s pretty she’s gorgeous
One of a kind your lucky
She’s your’s.. she’s a lot to handle
But she is fun and crazy she loves to dance
Likes a little romance
She will nock you off your feet
you’ll fall right off the edge hold on tight
Ready lets go, she's gutter pretty
And  star ready, make up and fake lashes
Diamonds and pearls
She is fake and plastered
Ready to be up on display
This gorgeous doll this wreck of a scene
She is something else
She is an angel under the costume
Want to take a swing[?]

Author notes

haha so yeah idk i wanted to do dp then it didnt really turn out dp so idk what it is but i like it!

A contest entry

what chea think...?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • Ben and Brook
    March 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow love the part where it says angel in disguise great use of wording


  • targettotheheart
    March 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Awesome.

    I love it. It's totally honest, but soo pretty and questionable too. It kept me interested.


  • maryg303
    March 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I love this!! it is amazing!!!


  • whiterabbit.
    March 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really love this bby. The details you put into this are wonderful. Amazing job sweetie and congrats on the gold shiny thing


  • Out of Town Girl
    March 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oooh! I'll be honest with you, I thought your writing was awesome, but I thought the ending was going somewhere totally different, and then you surprised with something that was a lot more interesting and vibrant. LOVE that last line! I was assuming you were going to end it with something really emo like "she's crying underneathe" or a line of that sort--but no, what you wrote was a lot stronger and more powerful. Great work!


  • poeticweaver gold member
    March 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Sweet...

    You gotz da GOLD!
    Wayyyyy 2 go.


  • DestiniesTwined
    March 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like this. Good work. The immagery is fantastic.


  • imperfectperfection
    March 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Brilliant

    So well worthy of gold my dear... this is a real masterpiece revealing your poetic talent... congrats on the winning... unique style of beading words into a flawless pearl string... very well written... keep it coming... take care Minoo

  • eatmydirt
    March 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    love it best one in this contest so far


  • ilove that70s show
    March 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    very well written. i like the imagery used.


  • spiffyspat
    March 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    you majorly own

    I really like this because it's very original ++ different. Definitely keep writing !!


  • RuLives4GodOnly
    March 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I liked this a lot. In essence, it shows what America is really like underneath all the glimmer and glam and yet, people are still attracted to her for some reason. The possibility of freedom maybe? Who knows? You've taken the bull by the horns without even realizing it and I love it!


  • A Summer Depression
    March 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    hmmm? lol

    i thought it was original. never read one like that but i loved it lol. keep writing


  • aeolia
    March 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It's a bit cliched, and the telling, non-poetic rendering is bland. You could go places with the idea, but as such, it reads like every other poem about the subject. If the girl mentioned in the poem is so riveting, perhaps the form, diction, syntax could reflect that-- that is, if you revise.

    Also, "you're" is "you are" and "your" is the possessive. If I were to say that something belongs to you, I would say, "it's yours," not "your's."

    hiraeth.

1 - 14 of 14