Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Revived

Its been awhile so please bare with

As I stumble along riff to riff

But tonight night I will try to bring to life

What i have stabbed with a jagged knife

I've broken her heart and trampled her spirit

Scary still I sat there and watched as i did it

Trust is gone along with my friend

And So i fake my smile and pretend

I was wrong, no matter how much I fought

I know what to do but it cant be bought

I could say I'm sorry but you wouldn't believe

You would think again I would try to deceive

The military calls me and soon I shall go

But they don't train for the pain I know

I've cried and cried for the pain she feels

The love for her must be real

I'm trying my hardest to see what to save

For her companionship is what i crave

These are my words that slowly align

But the last thing i need is one last time

Author notes

My favorite one. The first one that got me back into writing and back into being my old old old self I love it. There is so much that I put into this poem that everytime I read it I get a different feeling out of it.

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • Antebellum
    March 26
    Edit | Reply
    I can feel the emotion.


  • Patpowers silver member
    May 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great work on this one. I can just sense the emotion as I read this. I can see that this is your favorite poem...I have to agree with you. THANKS!!


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    May 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I know how you feel, but glad that you are trying to get through things, for that shows a certain amount of strength on it's own.


  • MalevolentDesire
    April 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a great piece, full of love and sadness. You have used great imagery, and shown a good understanding of how to capture the reader with your words.

    There is that element of loss/missing of this friend, which is great. I think you have done a very good job, and I appreciated reading it.

    Thank you for entering, and I wish you luck.


  • bananasfoster42
    April 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i love that last line!! don't we all need that one last time for something? thanks for th entry!


  • StarIlluminated
    March 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a really good poem! The rhyming was beautiful, although it seem forced in a few places. But this is a great poem with an amazing message, good job!
    Illuminated *KT*


  • liduen silver member
    March 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I'm telling you! You write really well....and this poem is even more evidence of that. I really like lines 5 and 6. Great write.


  • PrettyxoxPoison
    March 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Whoa this is really good! Thanks for the comment on my poem. I like love poems too =]. Keep writing you are really good


  • WhiteAngelCake
    March 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really like this poem! I guess that the reason for poems is to explain something with a rithym. I actually like rhyme more than rythim. If this is true I hope whatever happened gets better. You used really good words to rhyme. Good poem!


  • Dont Lose THE ONE
    March 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love it =] The emotion, the depth, the pain, the love that is in this poem is amazing. It tells a story and a true one at that. I love the rhyme that you have going on in here. I love, love , love the last line and "But that last thing I need is one last time" AND the line that says "For her companionship what I crave" Im sure she'll forgive you I hope she does. This is a great write!! The only 2 thing that I would suggest is captializing your I's and putting in punctuation.(That's only if you want to put them. It just makes it easier to know where it sentences stop!! But awsome poem all together you would never know that you haven't written for awhile it's as if you never stopped great job! I hope to read more of your poem! =]


  • Ben and Brook
    March 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is really nice poem Ryan. very well worded. im sure your companian will see you true heart. Good luck with that
    xcrimsonthornsx

  • eatmydirt
    March 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    so sad hope your friendship works out

1 - 12 of 12