Looking at the sky, at early morning four
The smell of disgorgement wafts back to me
Over taking the greatest high I did ever adore
Acidic and yet nauseating...
Making the bile rise all the more
Cleansing out the dirt and filth
Maybe I wont be caught fighting my secret war
Yes I've been caught in everything else
Partying, smoking, cutting, kinda actin' like a whore
But now...
This greatness I found will forever be heretofore
I need a good ending, can anyone help?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Haha this one is a cool one. My favourite line is line 7, enjoyable poem, nicely done
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Maybe I wont be caught fighting my secret war
I love that line!
this poem was great.
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C-
try being a little more clear in your ending, you have an impressive vocabulary, but not everyone knows what heretofore means, more flowery language works better in the middle of poems where the reader can skim over it if need be, but the beginning and conclusion of the poem should be written in simpler english.
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I like this poem. Your take on your "secret" is interesting. I personally like every thing except the last line. It fits well enough with the previous stanzas but as for suggestions for it, sorry, I don't have any. Great write though, keep up the good work.
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well no one can help you make a good ending the only one that can help you is you and i really can't say anything except for the fact that you really need to come on here more often but i miss you and i hope that i see you soon
btw im coming home on wednesday....
laters
denika
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