I put it all in a box,
and it lives on forever.
Time doesn’t touch,
only looks,
leers, longs.
All in the box
doesn’t notice the clock,
but just keeps itself
hidden and plays out
its song.
Never growing
nor thickening
nor wasting
or tasting,
the light of day
never penetrating,
but dancing on top,
below, behind,
licking the sides.
And never stops.
Frozen, but sweating,
buzzing in focus,
ebbing and flowing in setting;
bone-like liquid, the driest.
As young as my world,
and never, ever forgetting.
Author notes
10C.
Option 3/
Don't you know that I loove Sloppypigs?
A very, very personal poem for me. For me, it speaks of love, heartbreak and convincing oneself, fantasy, and locking up to secure oneself from the pain of the last time.
A contest entry
- 10 options for the creative poet (3) by bananasfoster42.
700 points, ended June 17, 2008, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Whatever by crazymomma.
450 points, ended June 9, 2008, 76 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Time by Lost in a Dreamstar.
1128 points, ended June 9, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Just A Dreamer ~ Winklings and Friends: #88. by Lyndon.
6000 points, ended June 20, 2008, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - why do you live by h202.
650 points, ended August 2, 2008, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Would it be better in a box-like format?
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
-
i love all the contrasting ideas and words in this, particularly 'bone-like liquid, the driest'. this is great when it comes to describing what is in this "box", but why is it there at all? i feel like that is missing from this poem. i like it though, very much. thanks for entering.
-
-
It's all in the box because I can't bear for anyone else to know. Well, couldn't.
The opposites have function, other than to show polarised states. Think slight erotica whilst reading it all, and you get to my way of thinking, but it's not really meant for other people to understand the way I read it.
-
-
Unusual dream you keep in a box?
-
-
I wouldn't say a dream, but if that's what you read, then that's great
-
-
This is more a comment on fancies
than a dream, I would have thought. I kept reading and found your box of eternity interesting.
Thank you for entering.
Lyndon of the Winklings.
-
-
True
Nicely perceptive - most people either dismiss the poem as "too strange" or just as a dream. I think you see a little further into it.
Thanks for commenting - I'll do my best to return the favour.
Sarah
-
-
This poem is unique. It was hard for me to understand the message of the poem, but the subtleness of it made the poem more enjoyable. I interpreted it as someone locking themselves up in their own world, even though reality threatens to break into their created existence (such as in the third stanza). It reminded me of Freud’s repression defense mechanism, where something is so painful that someone attempts to reject its existence. I also liked the imagery you created through powerful word choices. Thank you for sharing.
-
I love it ti speck from your heart but, your missing something in you authors note plz re-read rule #5!
-
I love the metaphore and the reality of this poem. Lovely imagery and very descriptive. Thanks for entering and good luck
-
awesome poem! thanks for the entry
-
very interesting!...good write!!!!
-
a good poem flowing along smoothly as the eyes catch the words and dance, ah cliche, it has all been done before, let's recycle
-
ooo
this poem has a mysterious feel around it. Time is a mystery in itself and to trap it in a box along with love is perfect.
Love which doesn't get wasted is the best type of love though once in a while, it's ok. The power of this box is further increased in the third stanza. I didn't understand the last few lines but this was a very good overall piece. best of wishes in the contest!
love,
transit
-
I like this. Its very interesting and different from what i've seen. I think if you could write this in a box-like format that would be awesome. I would love to see this poem written like that. keep up the great job.
Adding your comment:
1 - 14 of 14
