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The Body of Soul in 21st Century Ameriky

Missing image

{after Walt Whitman's "I Sing the Body Electric"}

http://oldpoetry.com/opoem/2153-Walt-Whitman-I-Sing-The-Body-Electric

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Body of Soul in 21st Century Ameriky

       

        

 

 

 

 

 

   

 

 

 

 

                {for Walt, Allen, and Robert}

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

    A homeless soul is but a wraith,

          an uncharged ion on an empty street.

    Writhing in the grasp of fleshly faith,

          may spirits sing, and auras meet.

    Profane! Profane, the pimps of war,

          who count the dead and living flesh

          like lucre in some vast department store,

          as waves of farmers sons are threshed.

    I love them all, these sheaves of soul,

          the baker, at work in the early morn,

          the first woman, blackened, mining coal,

          the bicep of the farmer, hoeing corn.

    My friend is an organic farmer,

          with five young children, little money,

          but he sings inside his callused armor,

          as his lips are smeared with clover honey.

    I love them all, the chubby cherub, the

          mother’s breast, the magic fountain,

          an ebony back, once bent to the lash, a

          chanting Buddhist, atop a mountain.

    A man's body is a sacred thing,

          with thighs to lift, and hands to build.

    A woman’s voice was made to sing

          of secret temples the moon has filled.

    I love the electricity of the brain,

          the womb, the breast, the turgid nipple,

          the hips that articulate the pain,

          the pleasure, quaking in rising ripples.

    A sculpture holds the very soul of man

          in a poem of flesh, staunch but yielding

          to grand designs and simple plans

          the soul of man is prone to wielding.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

   

 

 

   

       

  

   

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

















 

Author notes

a modern parody of my favorite Whitman poem, "I Sing the Body Electric".-
http://oldpoetry.com/opoem/2153-Walt-Whitman-I-Sing-The-Body-Electric




This was impossible.

To select something so long, so perfect, and render some faint echo in 32 lines drove me nuckin futs.
To do it in a sort of rhyme was insane.
Due to the impossibility of the task, I'm not happy with the result, but I learned more, worked harder than on anything in a long while.

Thanks to the hosts of this contest for the challenge of echoing greatness, and for forcing me to read, and re-read this masterpiece many times. Also, Ginsberg and Frost. However feebly, I tried to incorporate something of them as well.

There is no set meter, I meant it to read like free verse with "incendental" rhyme.

Do read the real thing...

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • Winklings gold member
    April 4

    Edit | Reply

    This reader has read both

    and your poem is more than parody; it is personal poetry with strong influences from Whitman. However, that will not matter.
    Good poetry indeed: "the pimps of war,

    who count the dead and living flesh

    like lucre in some vast department store".
    Yes, this poem has affected me greatly.
    Thank you, poet, for entering it, here.

    Lyndon of the Winklings.

  • ecrivain01 silver member
    March 18

    Edit | Reply

    Very nice ...

    but you forgot to put a link to the original. Also, I believe it would be "fleshly faith". Otherwise, of course, you've done remarkably well with this. I suspect Old Walt would be happy enough with it.

    All in all, not a bad job here.


    • Just Rob gold member
      March 18
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      It was linked up by the picture. Now in the notes also.
      • ecrivain01 silver member
        March 24
        Edit | Reply

        Ah ...

        I see. I guess all that open space took so long to get over that my mind balked. Anyway, this is very well done. That's the main thing.
  • I have been wowed. For having no set meter, this flowed along remarkably well, with enough cadence to satisfy this rhythm-lover. Best of luck to you!


  • EarthToJim
    March 15

    Edit | Reply

    Not so much parody as encore

    beautiful as a piece in its own right Whitman would likely be proud to place a Roman numeral I over his part of the effort and a Roman numeral II over yours... it makes for a wonderful continuation of the original. Good "collaborative" effort.


  • marc creamore
    March 11

    Edit | Reply
    I have read the Walt poem many times myself, love all of his stuff, I mean after all, didn't he bastardize all the basic academic rules of poesy which enabled those of us who love the long line to voice our thoughts without restriction? And hey, I think that mayhap you are being a little hard on yourself . . . I for one thought that your parody was brilliant and oh so true to form . . . WELL DONE poet!!!


  • Night Hope gold member
    March 11
    Edit | Reply
    "but he sings inside his callused armor,
    as his lips are smeared with clover honey."

    Sounds very much like someone I know, my Friend. This is beautiful, Scribe, as I knew it would be. You're much too hard on yourself, you know. No one honors Walt as much or as often as you. I love your tribute poems. Ahhh, Hell. I just love your poems, period. Good luck in the contest.

  • WWildBill gold member
    March 11
    Edit | Reply

    For a wile in the life of Walt Whitman he was truly blessed with the gift of Cosimc Consiouness AKA "Enlightenment" And the symphony of words he orchestrated from that point is evident everything he has written since! The eb and flow of his words is almo


  • SexySuma
    March 11

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. Its a very nice poem. I think that all of your hard work will pay off. This was a lovely poem to read for me. I wish you the best in the contest.
    Loves

    . Rewarded 4


  • Night Hope gold member
    March 11
    Edit | Reply
    I know it will be a completely wonderful experience. I love everything you write that encompasses Walt's great spirit & your own. Please let me know when it's done, my Friend. I don't want to miss a thing. Good luck in Ron's contest, Scribe.

  • I can't wait to read this!
1 - 12 of 12