Life, like myself, is transitory.
I craddle the clock in a casual girp,
"Tick Tock" it sang as it dropped
But i have caught it have I not?
You went to laugh yet stopped
And we both felt the cold as I Froze,
In shock when I remembered the scene
In passing and quick, how I let it slip
From my girp and exhaled hard as it landed
Among cogs and ash heaps on the parlor floor
Wretched itself to pieces, I whispered
"It was an antique..."
Author notes
A cookie to anyone who gets the reffrence
A contest entry
- Open Door by SurelyWritten.
303 points, ended March 28, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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After reading your author's notes I became stumped. I'm not sure what you were referring too, its such a broad hint, a movie, book, story, I'm not sure.?
I honestly think that this would sound better if you just did away with the first line- I know that sounds like a strange suggestion, but I read it without that line, and I liked it better that way. Also, in line 4 the first "I" is uncapitalized- I don't mind poems that don't use capitalization, but since this one uses it everywhere else, it needs to be changed. Consistency is one of the strongest poetic devices that can be used.
Oh, I loved the line that said "it sang as it dropped." That is a fantastic use of audio imagery...
I am asking that everyone in the contest send me a message or respond to my comment telling my why they chose the particular poem they entered, for my contest. Only contestants that do this will be eligible for winning when it comes time for judging.
Thanks for entering,
Shirley
(A more critical review may follow during judging, but no applauses will be given to any entry, even the ones that deserve them.) -
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haha ok heres the deal
The title is from great gatsby and the scene itself is based off of a passage in gatsby and my fear of ending up liek him -
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Oh my goodness! Can't believe I didn't see that, it is my favorite book! (Are you speaking of the book or the movie?) I hadn't read it in ages...
So what exactly is the reason you chose this poem to enter? -
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Haha The book of course
well as you know gatsby represents the overall faliure of the american dream and i havent run into any recognition from those around me on my work and poetry is my dream and there are those who have so much more renowned then me in the area i just want a chance to show i can before my dream like gatsby drifts in his pool all alone -
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Wow- good answer- Great choice for entering, I will definitely be considering this piece when I judge.
We all spend some time on gatsby's balcony, or in his backyard, or even in his car, but that doesn't mean we all end up in his pool.
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Just to let you know, you spelled cradle wrong in the second line. As far as the poem, I don't know. It didn't do anything for me. Thanks for entering, but this is not what I'm looking for.
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So it goes
Well your loss
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I can't connect the write with the title, but I enjoyed the read very much. A well written piece of poetry. Loved the ending. Good luck in the contest.
Kelli
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Haha thanks
Its from the Great Gatsby, This old clock falls and Gatsby catches it and its symbolic of him trying to catch time and trying to relive the past and I just dont want to end up like him so i drop my clock
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