Footsteps falter, leaving feet rooted
as in effervescence the guardian led,
to someplace near, yet so far...
Trotting across finest facades,
usurper unshielded as the spirits war;
A thin wisp now, as the souls have looted
not the love but the innocence,
etched in a child's caustic hands
Watching and swaying to the fabrics fraying
that conjoined courage of being free,
of soaring emotions, in luscious lands
now an oyster within its shell....
Tell me, is it not right to be,
a protector of an infants heart?
Instead of love, reality is fed
as memoirs of wisdom, instantly fades
laughter left soon to grieve pretence...
a mother has learned to live apart.
Author notes
Prompt:
"The guardian of my spirit walks its way across the room."
Random rhyming sprinkled throughout the write, just felt like writing something quick and I fell upon this lol...
In a list
A contest entry
- Er... by individuality.
600 points, ended March 4, 2008, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Celticmoon's and Leander's glue a trophy on my Prewrite by leander.
800 points, ended March 27, 2008, 74 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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This isn't bad at all ...
but you might want to remove the "s" on "fades" here:
as memoirs of wisdom, instantly fades (the subject is "memoirs" so the verb would be "fade". If the subject were singular (memoir), the verb would have the "s".
Anyway, all in all, not bad. -
Not bad ...
Here:
Trotting across finest facades,
usurper unshielded as the spirits war;
A thin wisp now, as the souls have looted
not the love but the innocence,
I have reservations about the first two lines, but the next two are very good. Actually the second line is not bad either, it's just the first line there that bothers me.
Anyway, all in all, not a bad job.
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For a quick write you did well
I wish I could do that 
lol
Anyway, I like the use of random rhyming actually
and you have used some great imagery within these lines as well!
Thank you for entering the contest, I wish you all the best!
Leander -
Lost innocence is always a sad thing to me, it tortures the soul to see it. YOu've done a beautiful job here with this prompt. Amazing work.
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For something you wrote so quickly this is a fine piece of work. I enjoyed the rhyme throughout as it did not seem forced nor was it a constant thing. Very well done!
Thank you for entering.
Best of luck to you!
Blessings
Bel
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Very well done with your silver. Though in my own opinion I think it should have gotten gold here..it's outstanding!
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Thanks again for the wonderful comment
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really really really good,you are very talented.
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Admiring your poem and thinking you are walking around your sphere with the word "POET" written all over you. Enough of my praise... I might say so much your head would pop. You have fine talent and I trust you will use it well... and thank you for sharing it.
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Thx so much for the wonderful comment
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a good poem it flows well and speaks of the spirit, i am just looking at spirits war, do you mean there spirits plural or singular for if singular spirit's war also ellipses the ... at the end of the first verse you use four, three is saying a continuance of thought, if you have added a period that closes off the continuous thought
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I had actually meant to put 'as the spirits war' have changed that now lol...
And the four dots are for closing one perspective and opening the other...1st stanza in 3rd person, 2nd in 1st person view lol...You never give me enough time to check out the errors in my write 
Thanks for the comment
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