Dear Diary
Everything's so silent.. almost too silent, so I take out my iPod and pray it's charged.
I don't know what to do with my thoughts.. there are too many of them.
I'm happy, but there are so many things I worry about. Silly things, mostly. But important things, too.
I guess the trouble is I can't tell which are which.
'I would say "I don't care", but I do!
And it's on my life
I swear I won't back down when you do'
I've no idea where these lines came from, but they were there yesterday, they were just there.
'I don't want my world to change'
I guess I don't.. and yet there are so many things that I wish would change for the better. I guess it comes down to the fear that things can worsen. The fear that they will. Or maybe.. I'm actually content with the way my life is right now..?
That's a lie. I'm never quite content. I'm never... I'm never not scared. Even now, when I feel love around me, I continue to fear when it will stop. It always stops, and it's uncomfortable every time. I try to make myself alright, try to not think about the future in that way.
I shouldn't be afraid of tomorrow, I should embrace it, and be thankful for it.
I should make the best out of every day. I honestly believe that I've had enough bad days for a lifetime, and I don't want to be unhappy ever again.
It's not in my power to control what happens around me, but I have much to be thankful for, and I've no idea why I don't just... thank.
I'm a greedy person, I always want more.. and more. I don't want to want more. So here's the idea..
Can I make myself be who I want to be?
Oh I know it'll take years to even see results of trying.. but it's better than sitting flat on my ass and moping that everything isn't going according to me.
I do care.
I want to change myself and the way I live.
I want my world to change.
~Maja
In a list
Write whatever you want.. but write me something?
Comments
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I like it.
I really like this piece because it has just enough of that 'tumble of thoughts' quality that make it seem appropriate as a diary entry, but it is also structured enough to make it flow well for the reader. There was a nice progression from starting the diary entry ("I take out my iPod and pray it's charged") through to achieving something of an inner analysis and making a decision by the end ("I want to change myself...I want my world to change"). This made it real for me... as if the writer had found real relief in the diary writing process. I got a bit confused in the part that says "I swear I won't back down when you do" but I am thinking that this is more likely my problem than the author's! Perhaps a pop-culture reference I just haven't heard? Fill me in! -
I like it.
I really like this piece because it has just enough of that 'tumble of thoughts' quality that make it seem appropriate as a diary entry, but it is also structured enough to make it flow well for the reader. There was a nice progression from starting the diary entry ("I take out my iPod and pray it's charged") through to achieving something of an inner analysis and making a decision by the end ("I want to change myself...I want my world to change"). This made it real for me... as if the writer had found real relief in the diary writing process. I got a bit confused in the part that says "I swear I won't back down when you do" but I am thinking that this is more likely my problem than the author's! Perhaps a pop-culture reference I just haven't heard? Fill me in!
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Fact is that this is actually a diary for me.. and the quotes are texts that I have written, either as poetry or songs.
"I swear I won't back down when you do"
Is a song-line that popped into my head with melody and the whole thing.. didn't finish the song yet, but it usually takes a while..
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